When Your Problems Become THE Problem for Others

Anne Morrow Lindbergh once said, “When one is out of touch with oneself, one cannot touch others.”

I once had a manager who when push came to shove, and was placed under pressure, would become so task-oriented that his people skills went straight out the window. This person’s limited listening skills were even more limited at these times as they dished out pat answers to complex problems in the vain hope of helping. I learned that at these times it was best to avoid this person. This illustrates the point made in Proverbs 28:28, “When the wicked rise to power, people go into hiding.”

I find it in myself. If I’m not at peace within ‘me,’ pity the person who comes to me for my help. I’m not all there for them. This illustrates one of my favourite mottos, “Excellence is all of me... every moment.” If I’m not fully present with people they get less than my best--that is untenable to me.

M. Scott Peck says we must create new maps ‘dedicated to truth.’[1] We all have problems that emanate from our rejection of truth; because it is painful and has painful consequences for us. Whether it is a weakness we’ve carried from our childhood, which invariably is what it is, or some other issue, we must, for the benefit of ourselves and others who can’t avoid us, address the problems at their base level.

And this is the truth:

Your problems, if you don’t deal with them, will lead YOU to becoming THE problem for others; your problems will become problematic for others. People will begin to see YOU as the problem. The story’s simple. We must learn to deal with our own problems and not blame others. Blaming others is a symptom (something we can sense within ourselves) and a sign (that others too can see) that we have unaccepted and undealt-with problems.

No person can make this journey lightly. It is painful and it requires courage to start and continue. Once we start we realise it’s not all that bad; in fact, the courage that powers the initiative shows us life we never experienced before. This is the power of holy revelation to us. We’re actually beginning to cooperate with God.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

[1] M. Scott Peck, Wisdom from the Road Less Traveled (Kansas City, Andrews McMeel Publishing / Ariel Books, 2001), pp. 28-46.