2 Effective Listening And Influencing Skills

There are piles of effective listening courses and books available; a myriad of information and resources on the subject, yet there are very few shining examples of how to do it well. And there are several reasons for this disparity. One of the chief reasons is the lack of relational rapport or credibility, with people trying to influence change from a very poor position. No wonder there’s scant success. Here below are two very simple and effective ways you can achieve huge influence:

Listening requires sacrifice

There’s no way around it; listening means putting our needs to one side for long enough to fully understand the other person. This has the additional benefit that the person we listen to can actually sense our authenticity as we listen intently. Stephen R. Covey said, “What happens when you truly listen to another person? The whole relationship is transformed.”[1] It’s a genuine empathy we’re trying to achieve--actually seeing the world from their eyes and unique viewpoint.

Genuine effective listening can only become a skill with lots of practise, determination, and focus. Improvement doesn’t come without much time invested for it to develop, so we need to be patient with ourselves. It takes several months if not years to notice improvement, but it is worth the hard work. People love to be listened to and understood, period.

Try Going “One Down”

Influencing people is made quite easy when we’re focused on seeking their help. In this way we’re going to them ‘cap in hand’ and deliberately taking the ‘underling’ role. This again means being genuine and authentic. Faking our need of someone, or being anything less than genuine, will be seen through instantly and will render our efforts to influence the person null and void. People love to be needed. It’s amazing what we can achieve with some humility. This is the essence of the leadership paradox.

When we try exercising some vulnerability it’s very heartening to see people respond and actually want to help us. Making mistakes is fine; we can even share our weaknesses with others without feeling ashamed. People want to help when they see us as we really are.

There is no substitute for authenticity. Simply, be real.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

[1] Stephen R. Covey, Seven Habits Revisited: Seven Unique Human Endowments, November 1991.