Love Can’t Happen Until We Love Ourselves First
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I learned this lesson cruelly in life. I spent many a year charged with loving a wife only to fail dismally simply because I did not love myself. This is a biblical principle etched in the stone of truth. Paul uses his message to the Ephesians to counter opponents of this fact; each spouse must truly love their own person before they can love their partner.
I learned this lesson cruelly in life. I spent many a year charged with loving a wife only to fail dismally simply because I did not love myself. This is a biblical principle etched in the stone of truth. Paul uses his message to the Ephesians to counter opponents of this fact; each spouse must truly love their own person before they can love their partner.
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I was married once to a person, who like me, was somewhat broken -- as we all are. She needed a husband to love her and honour and respect her, and many times I did not do this adequately enough. Many times I failed to diligently love her, simply because I did not love myself -- I didn’t know how to. For some reason this was true.
I was married once to a person, who like me, was somewhat broken -- as we all are. She needed a husband to love her and honour and respect her, and many times I did not do this adequately enough. Many times I failed to diligently love her, simply because I did not love myself -- I didn’t know how to. For some reason this was true.
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Then, almost the worst thing that could’ve happened to me, did. My wife sought separation and gave up on the marriage. She could see my failings as a husband. And suddenly so could I. They were real. Then, by the grace of God I was picked up in my perilous destitution; given to eat from the tree of life for the very first time -- in Christian circles it is the point of holy revelation when the Spirit of God takes hold its firm grip and it anointed me with love for my own being. This is what it means to be saved.
Then, almost the worst thing that could’ve happened to me, did. My wife sought separation and gave up on the marriage. She could see my failings as a husband. And suddenly so could I. They were real. Then, by the grace of God I was picked up in my perilous destitution; given to eat from the tree of life for the very first time -- in Christian circles it is the point of holy revelation when the Spirit of God takes hold its firm grip and it anointed me with love for my own being. This is what it means to be saved.
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Almost the worst thing that could have happened to me was suddenly the very best thing to have happened. I was forced into a spiritual awakening.
Almost the worst thing that could have happened to me was suddenly the very best thing to have happened. I was forced into a spiritual awakening.
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In the mystery of total paradox, at my weakest, a foundation of strength grew; in my depths I knew a hope that could not be explained. When at last I thought my heart would give out or I would tragically suicide, there in that moment stood God! He helped me achieve for myself things I could only dream of beforehand. A welling up of inexplicable confidence reigned, showering over me. It was the Lord’s grace. Suddenly I could genuinely love and accept myself warts and all; suddenly I was capable of truly loving others. Before this, loving others seemed like hard work. Now, it was a joy to pour the abundance of love in my heart over even those who hated me. That can only be explained by, and attributed to, the inscrutable Holy Spirit.
In the mystery of total paradox, at my weakest, a foundation of strength grew; in my depths I knew a hope that could not be explained. When at last I thought my heart would give out or I would tragically suicide, there in that moment stood God! He helped me achieve for myself things I could only dream of beforehand. A welling up of inexplicable confidence reigned, showering over me. It was the Lord’s grace. Suddenly I could genuinely love and accept myself warts and all; suddenly I was capable of truly loving others. Before this, loving others seemed like hard work. Now, it was a joy to pour the abundance of love in my heart over even those who hated me. That can only be explained by, and attributed to, the inscrutable Holy Spirit.
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Then, and only then, could I claim the ability to truly love a wife -- the way God intended. Don’t get me wrong; I was not suddenly ‘perfect.’ I just knew what love was finally. Until then I really did not get it fully. Not that God was going to allow me to move onto marriage prematurely. I had a lot more healing and growing to do before that eventually happened.
Then, and only then, could I claim the ability to truly love a wife -- the way God intended. Don’t get me wrong; I was not suddenly ‘perfect.’ I just knew what love was finally. Until then I really did not get it fully. Not that God was going to allow me to move onto marriage prematurely. I had a lot more healing and growing to do before that eventually happened.
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But I’m glad I know this: to truly love someone and be free in doing it the way God designed; we need first to truly love ourselves. This journey is no short walk, and it is not an outcome anyone comes to without God. To know God is to know love.
But I’m glad I know this: to truly love someone and be free in doing it the way God designed; we need first to truly love ourselves. This journey is no short walk, and it is not an outcome anyone comes to without God. To know God is to know love.
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Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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5 years ago, now. It was a Monday night and I was all alone; look how far I've come... praise God.
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