Resolving Spousal Conflict: “Clearing House”

This is an idea to sort through contentious issues effectively in the home without confrontations escalating into World War Three. It’s a technique I’ve learned recently; it’s very simple, and it works if you persist at it. Imagine resolving seemingly difficult issues easier using a tried and tested process. It enables you to ‘log’ difficulties and then move on. It’s called Clearing House.

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Clearing House works like this:

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- Both partners should have a journal they use to log issues and later bring to this meeting.

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- Any conflict that’s noticed beforehand (during the course of the week) is written down (immediately it happens) and raised at this meeting.

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- Once per week you and your spouse sit down to talk about the week before and the week ahead.

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- It’s a planning and review meeting. Conflicts, arrangements, planning for holidays etc can all be discussed.

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- Nothing is to be excluded, but problems are to be stated simply and the other person is to listen and write them down the best they can understand them -- for later consideration.

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- The weekly Clearing House meeting takes no longer than an hour or two.

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- The spouse that needs to deal with the negative/constructive feedback has up to seven days to think it over and decide a course of action in response -- at the very least to come back to their partner and seek to resolve it.

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Many family/spousal conflicts occur because there is too much emotion to effectively deal with. The only way we can effectively deal with conflict in the family is to remove the emotion as it’s a barrier to effectively understanding the other party’s needs; in order to communicate their concerns. Clearing House is a process that ensures the emotions are kept in check because conflict is expected and it’s non-confrontational. Issues are stated and then left with the other partner.

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Clearing House takes the pressure off having to solve problems and conflicts ‘on the run’ when emotions for both partners are possibly at their peak. It diffuses it. These conflicts, once noted down so they aren’t forgotten, are passed over so the day is not wrecked by having an argument on the spot.

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Don’t forget, it takes discipline from both partners to make this work.

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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Acknowledgement regarding this system of conflict resolution goes to Ms. Sandy Clifton of Grace Counselling.