Resisting Speaking Or Thinking Negatively Of People

I was taken by the quotation below when I first read it. It resounded within me because it spoke truthfully and to the heart about what I struggle with and what I think all people struggle with, in our relationships. We wouldn’t admit it but how quickly do we undermine another person? If we don’t say it, it’s often thought about, particularly regarding people we’re threatened by.

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Read this:

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“If we find ourselves secretly rejoicing in the news of someone’s misfortune, we know we have some inner work to do. Somehow, that response suggests that we feel cheated in some way, perhaps because some expectations of life have gone unfulfilled. As we become aware of these inner reactions, we can also practice the inner generosity of wishing another well while refraining from any comment at all.”[1]

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Let’s break this nugget of wisdom down...

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Rejoicing At Another’s Misfortune
Let’s be honest. It happens. It’s our nature to instinctively do this. It’s not even our fault. However, it does suggest the following;

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It Indicates Some Inner Work Required
Whenever we bear ill toward another person it indicates we have some work to do within our heart specifically and generally – specifically regarding the actual person the ill will is directed to, and generally because we’re obviously capable of a recurrence in the future. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but we ought to work on it. Is it that we feel cheated in some way and/or our expectations have surpassed the reality of our actual position in life?

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Awareness
The biggest barrier to improving anything is a lack of awareness. If we’re aware of the issue then the only other thing that can get in the way is lack of will (or power of the mind) to actually do what you need to do, and do it often enough to create a good habit so we continue to do it. We must simply act on our awareness and do it over and over again by;

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Practicing Inner Generosity
Replacing bad habits with good habits is a key to behaviour modification. People who wish to give up smoking succeed better when they replace smoking with exercise which naturally releases endorphins -- the ‘feel good’ naturally-occurring human biochemical. It impacts on their self-esteem too. Likewise, the way to resist speaking or thinking wrong of people is to get generous -- act with generosity. Generosity has magic spiritual juice about it; it frees us. Practicing inner generosity is wishing another well.

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Refraining From Any Comment At All
We always seem to want credit for our good thoughts and our good behaviours. When we’ve suddenly replaced ill will with generosity, we’ll be tempted to want or take some credit. The most honourable thing to do, however, is not make any comment at all -- let it go. We should reject the inner need for our ego’s to be stroked. If our positive act is recognised, merely a humble and real ‘thank you’ should suffice. Likewise, and especially, this means refraining from bemoaning the person.

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We know we’re on the right track when we positively will not tolerate any bearing ill toward another. Awareness is piqued and we’re determined not to flay another soul. Perhaps it’s a pipedream to perfect this, but there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be our goal and ultimate aim.

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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] P.E. Koptak, NIV Application Commentary: Proverbs, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2003), p. 446.