Do you understand me?

What do you do when you’re not understood the first time? You’re communicating an issue or responding to someone after they’ve asked you a question, and you suddenly realize, in their response, that they have not understood what you’re trying to say. For instance, they ask the same question, only a slightly different way. In other words, reading between the lines, they’re saying, ‘You didn’t answer me adequately first time, so I will try again.’ If you don’t answer them adequately the second time, they might try again, or they might move on to someone else, or they might even get impatient.

This happens classically in marriages and partnerships and is symptomatic of communication breakdown. “I talk but you don’t listen,” is what both parties are saying to each other. It’s so unfortunate as both parties are likely to become exasperated.

Here are some things to consider:

~~ If you’re not understood first time, pause and reflect momentarily… ask the person for more clarification to see if there is a misunderstanding on your part. You will evoke respect from them every time because you’re seeking to understand them more.

~~ Really listen. Put everything else out of your frame of attention. If your focus does wane, be honest, apologise, and continue to listen.

~~ Be motivated to give the person what they want. Answer their question even if you think it’s the wrong question. Chances are, they’re seeing something completely different from you and it’s probably another perspective you’ve not considered.

There’s no need to get to exasperation. There’s nothing more frustrating in relationships. Again, seek first to understand, and then be understood!
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.