My Reflections on Breakfast with Justin Langer

Justin Langer wrote Sir Donald Bradman a letter on the 15th of August 1994 seeking ‘the Don’s’ advice and he got a reply only two days later. The letter said in words to the effect: ‘You flatter me, an old octogenarian when you ask my advice... young man, follow your instincts and don’t be a slave to coaching.’ Justin was in awe of the Don’s humility and has sought to emulate that quality ever since.

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As a youth, Justin was strongly encouraged to go to university as it was the ‘safe option’ but after a year at it he realised it wasn’t for him. He decided to ‘follow his heart’ and go to England when he was 18; the rest is history. He joked that it was only about two years ago his mum stopped telling him to ‘get a real job.’ With both mum and dad there for the launch of his book, Seeing the Sunrise, it was clear family is his greatest joy.

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Justin admitted that he was “so nervous” speaking to us – more nervous than before a Test! No matter how many times he does this it never gets easier.

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An old story emerged early in his talk – one that was so richly illustrated it was marvellous for every male in the packed function centre – as he gave us a rare glimpse of what it was like approaching and playing in his first Test against the West Indies in January 1993.

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This is how the story goes:

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Justin hadn’t picked up a bat in two weeks, which for him was nothing short of amazing as there’s not normally a day goes past without him hitting cricket balls or ‘shadowing.’

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Eggs were boiling on the stove when the phone rings; it’s Tony Mann, the WACA Coach saying, ‘you’ve been selected to play for Australia, tomorrow.’ His mother (who’s no body builder) picked him up in glee, and his father (who’s no wimp) got a lump in his throat – strange reactions indeed! He ran upstairs to grab his bat and quickly seconded brother Jonathon to throw him twenty balls before flying out to Adelaide an hour later.

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He arrives at the hotel in Adelaide and meets fellow players he’s in awe of: there is Merv Hughes, Allan Border, Ian Healy, Steve and Mark Waugh, and others. He goes up to his room and on the bed is a large, long cardboard box with ‘JUSTIN LANGER – AUSTRALIAN TEST CRICKETER’ emblazoned over it. He opens the box and finds all sorts of ‘presents’ in there; shirts, jumpers, cricket gear, sunnies, cash, etc. The most prized object though is the baggy green Australian Test cap. It was like Christmas! The next day he’s walking alone onto the Adelaide Oval and he gets a tap on the shoulder; it’s the Australian captain, Allan Border who says, ‘how’s things JL?’, to which Langer replies, ‘No worries, AB,’ thrilled to be calling ‘the king’ by his nickname. He slept soundly that night what with his baggy green and bat in his bed with him.

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The next day: Day one of the Test. The West Indies won the toss and batted but were all out before stumps, leaving 40 minutes of play remaining; a nightmare proposition. Langer remembers sitting in the player’s rooms putting his right pad strap on, and the West Indies going up in appeal: Taylor OUT! He’s all of a sudden frantically strapping on pads, box, etc and walking out to play. It’s like one of those dreams when you wake up without clothes on!

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Out in the middle now, and about to face Ian Bishop, and he’s immediately mindful of the chatter. Keith Arthurton is saying, ‘Kill him, Bishy.’ Silly Mid On fielder, Desmond Haynes can smell fear and says, ‘He’s scared, Bishy.’ All Langer sees is stick figures as the wicketkeeper and slips fielders are so far back and Bishop stands with the shiny red cherry almost back at the BankWest Tower!

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His first ball missed his nose by a hair as the kookaburra laughed on its way past. The second ball cannoned into his helmet, splitting it and his head also, to which batting partner David Boon said on approach, ‘there’s no heroes in Test cricket, son; retire hurt.’ Langer didn’t – he continued. The next morning Boon is hit square on the point of the elbow and Langer, going to Boon’s aid, mentions the same thing, tongue-in-cheek. To his surprise, Boon walked off, retired hurt!

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Justin told us that in the fabric of his baggy green cap is his life story. Each cap that preceded the baggy green, the yellow State cap, the black and gold Scarborough grade cap, and the red Warwick juniors cap were all ‘equally as important.’ One could not be gained before the other.

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One day whilst leaving a grade cricket ground with fellow teammate Darin Ramshaw, Langer noticed a fit figure of a man hope out of a black sports car. It was South Australian AFL legend, Craig Bradley. ‘He gets fit during the week and plays footy on the weekends,’ said Ramshaw at Langer’s enquiry. Justin decided that day that not only did he want to get fit during the week and play cricket professionally, but he also wanted a symbol – the black sports car – the symbol of success much like a cross is for a Christian.

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To be successful, Justin told us, requires us to pay the price. There are three ways the successful pay the price:

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- first, they’re the subject of envy of others;

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- second, there are plenty of disappointments, BUT, ‘The pain of discipline is nothing like the pain of disappointment;

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- thirdly, hard work that is hopefully worth it – like all the sacrifices his parents made running him to games, practise etc.

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When Justin learned of Chris Mainwaring’s death only a day after they trained together for their upcoming exhibition bout, he saw the sick and fickle irony – the ‘fickleness of life.’

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He finishes every day the same way; writing in his journal. Each entry commences with the same line: “I’m the luckiest person in the world.” He recited the “One day at a time” poem for us as a key message of life. There are two rest days in every week. They are yesterday and tomorrow. We don’t need to worry about them.

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When asked about his preparation, Justin, mentioned it was his key. He said, ‘You never mess with a good recipe.’ His recipe for the past few years has been to 1) be happy and in a relaxed frame of mind when batting; 2) to be focussed on the ball; 3) to be well prepared having done all the hard work with the results looking after themselves; and 4) be decisive.

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Having “earned respect” from teammates and opponents alike, Justin bowed out of the game. He attributes his martial arts to much of his success. KIME – loose body and tight mind – is the basis of his philosophy.

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His honesty and depth of character are something to behold. It produces in me a sort of ‘nice envy’; it’s almost like I wish I were him. He’s a legend. What an absolute treat it was to be there, shake hands, and have his book signed personally; I asked for him to contribute a Bible verse, and Justin scribbled down for me, ‘God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear, but of love, strength, and a sound mind.’ (2 Timothy 1:7) He also volunteered Romans 5 and Philippians 4:13 saying “these ones are good too.”

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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Stay In Control Of Your Communication: When to Initiate, When to Respond

Have you ever regretted starting a conversation or writing an email, or answering someone, and thought afterwards you shouldn’t have done it that way? I know I have. Many times I’ve rued the fact that I’d ‘put my foot in it,’ or simply should have known better. The truth is we all do it. It’s initiating and responding in communication with others at the wrong times and in the wrong ways.

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This principle is about protecting accessibility. For your own peace of mind and heart you need to protect your accessibility. It’s essential in your struggle for self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is always a struggle because there are so many competing forces for your time. The competing forces are life priorities, the needs of others, and tasks you might need to do. We all need to protect our accessibility to be able to effectively reflect and plan. Without reflection and planning we are never at our best, and this is not only a bad result for ourselves, but it’s also a bad result for others – everyone misses out on the best we can offer.

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I’ve found the best times to initiate communication is clearly when I’ve had time to plan the way (the process) and time to think and cater for people’s responses, which are the consequences of the action. This has left me with a quiet confidence that the communication won’t hurt anyone; in fact, that it might just help, and be appropriate for the time and the needs of others.

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I try not initiate communication when I’m pressed for time, as this has the effect of disempowering me. I just can’t think well. Too much time pressure means I cannot think of ‘the way’ or people’s responses adequately. If I have too much on, and try to do still even more, that’s when people get hurt through my communication as I simply can’t foresee needs and risks as I normally could if I had more time. This is essentially about “communication risk management.” For this reason, we should only initiate one thing at a time, or do things in staged or planned ways. The key reason is we’re talking about people. We need to be gentle and considerate with people, don’t we?

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Responding to communication is not really any different from initiating apart from the fact that we can’t actually control when they’ll come to us. We need to be sensitive first of all, as some people approach us thinking we’re busy already and that already they’ve become an intrusion to us. They can’t leave with that perception. They need to know that we’re approachable. So what happens if we have someone that pesters us, and interrupts us all the time?! We need a specific plan for this type of person; for instance, when they call, let it go through to message bank. Nullify the interruption. In fact, there should be times when you let all calls (other than emergencies) go through to message back. There should be times when you dedicate your time to what FranklinCovey call “Quadrant II” time; time for planning, thinking, and ‘important, but not yet urgent’ work. This is very productive time. It’s our most satisfying work. Sometimes if you don’t get back to a person, you will actually give them the impetus to solve the problem innovatively, or some other way (without you), and this can be empowering for them.

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Knowing about when to respond is an art. It typically requires courage to say “no.” This is not a put off or a rebuff for the person attempting to communicate with you; it is simply holding a red flag as to the timing of their communication. Some issues however cannot ever be avoided. Emergencies and urgent “Quadrant I” activities must be tackled there and then. The key is to minimise the amount of these tasks. No one can ever live at peace and protect their accessibility if they’re continually hounded with Quadrant One’s.

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If you get the opportunity, and you generally do with email and voicemail, don’t respond until you’ve had some time to think peacefully about “the what” of the response, and “how” to respond. Ask yourself, “What’s the wise thing to do?” Take time and muse over drafts; think about your audience... emails often go to “all” or to many people at a time. Don’t press the “send” button until you’ve adequately reflected about the likely effect of the communication on each category of person in the “To” and “CC” lists.

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It all comes down to time and planning. Allow yourself the time to think and to foresee problems you might cause in your communication. Also, if it involves conflict, you have time then to ‘minimise the heat of return fire’ if you’ve given the person (and the communications) time to cool down. It’s great when you’ve played your good part in defusing a situation.

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There is so much blessing involved in communicating this way; the biggest blessing of all though, is that you can stay in control, you protect your accessibility, and you stay empowered; both for yourself and for others.

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Be wise in knowing when to initiate and when to respond.

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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

The Bucket List: A Faith Review of the Motion Picture (2007)

FIND THE JOY in your life is the inspirational by-line to the movie, The Bucket List. This movie has obvious faith overtones and is a message for all. It challenges the “walls” that people might put up in resistance to acquiring faith because it ponders the meaning to life that none of us can shirk off.

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When two men from vastly different worlds are shocked into the reality of facing their imminent deaths, they share a common view of life, and a bond develops as they meet in hospital sharing the same room.

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There are sweet and sour ironies all throughout the film demonstrating that of anyone, God often has the last laugh; though it’s never really ever at our expense. To begin with, Edward Cole (Nicholson), who frequently quotes: “I run hospitals, not health spas; two beds to a room, no exceptions,” is aghast to find his terminal illness has confined him to a hospital room with another person. This ends up being a huge blessing to Cole; often we’re surprised to find things we thought we’d hate, come to love us back as we least expected.

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The movie’s sub-plot is about faith; it’s plumbs the meaning to life in the context of how it’s spent. Life is fleeting. Carters says, “Forty-five years goes by pretty fast,” only to hear Cole answer, “Like smoke through a keyhole.” Another famous writer puts it this way: “You won't be young forever. Youth [life in fact] lasts about as long as smoke.”[1] We only have so long to reconcile to life and become at peace with it, before it all vanishes. It’s only when we ‘become at peace’ with life that we can really begin to draw joy from it.

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Cole says poignantly, “I envy people who have faith, I just can’t get my head around it.” Chambers' (Freeman) comeback is something special: “Maybe your head’s in the way?” Most people with a faith problem can’t see that it is within themselves that the problem lies. The head’s in the way of the heart. It is only with a willingness to let this stumbling block mentality go, that there is any chance for “salvation.” It’s the source, means, and cause of the preservation or deliverance of your life. Many people cannot work out that salvation is not just about heaven and the afterlife; it’s as much about life in this life as anything else. We’re saved from living life without God when we’re saved and when we practice faith.

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In Chambers’ letter to Cole he tells him: “My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.” Freeman’s character is such a boon for Cole. He opens him up to the meaning to life; which is to simply have an open heart. The open heart receives. It receives all that God intended for it. When Cole died [as Freeman narrates] “His eyes were closed but his heart was open.” He was saved.

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These two unlikely friends enjoyed a bond at the butt-end of their lives that they’d perhaps never experienced with any other person. Fleeting as it was, it was (meaning ‘it actually happened’). It was an experience that changed and transformed the spirituality of both men as attested by Cole’s eulogy at Chambers’ funeral: “The last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.” What a fantastic legacy to leave in a fellow human being’s life!

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Perhaps one of the most enduring messages of this piece is about time; how quickly life fades. As one reviewer put it, in the words of Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray: “The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.”[2] It would be true to say that no one is ready to die, least of all the young. But death must come to all, eventually. Before it comes, however, we need to strive to find the joy in our life. Find God.

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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Eugene Peterson’s The Message Paraphrase of biblical Ecclesiastes 11:10.

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[2] Excerpt from: http://imdb.com/title/tt0825232/

What’s In A Name? Gaining Respect And Achieving Relationship Influence

When meeting people for the first time I’ve begun to notice how often they’ll introduce themselves as a particular variety of their name. For instance, a man named William could conceivably be called Bill, Billy, Will or Willy. There are five variations just there, and that’s not accounting for nicknames. In this situation they’ll propose (in a variety of ways; overt and covert) their actual preference for being called the name they just used. They’re keen to see us use it in reply.

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I had a situation happen to me recently – in fact these things happen to each of us all the time in reality – I received a call from a guy I would normally call “Mick,” yet he immediately introduced himself as “Mike.” Having not had a personal discussion with him in a many months, if not a year or two, I noted that something had changed. His preferred name was no longer Mick; it had become Mike, which probably says something for refinement. As we all grow older and become more mature, changes for refinement begin to take place; another way of putting it is ‘growing older gracefully.’

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For some people it doesn’t matter what they’re called, as they say, ‘Call me anything just don’t call me late for breakfast!’ In these situations they might have a preference but it’s nothing you can pick, so the best rule of thumb is to simply use the name they use; by watching for how they introduce themselves. Be astute in using that name, without drawing a lot of attention to why you’re using it. This is one of the sensitivities of Emotional Intelligence and it’s a great way to promote a relationship through the virtue of respect.

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I’ve found that not everyone likes the nicknames they’ve been given or that they’ve ‘acquired.’ I’ll use the nickname only after the person in question has reminded me to use it because they actually like it. My default is to use the preferred Christian name, unless they prefer the nickname. Of course, some nicknames are great, and it’s no surprise when some people see these as a badge of honour.

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Remembering names is something I struggle with at times, and the only thing I know that helps is thinking about the person and linking these thoughts with their name, or using their name frequently in conversation, for instance... “So, Sophia, what do you like most about your job?” And, “That’s great, Sophia.” Obviously it’s a good idea not to overuse names in this way as our communication risks becoming a bit trite.

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I find that getting people’s names right is something that people notice. It leaves them with a ‘good’ feeling about us. It tells them that we value and respect their preferences and feelings. It’s a good thing we simply can do. Anyone can learn this simple skill.

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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Do You Feel “Manipulated?”

There is little worse than suddenly discovering ‘in the moment’ that you’re being “manipulated.” In theory, manipulation means many things, and not necessarily all of these are bad. But when you get that impression, what springs up in the mind is a whole lot of self-talk about the situation that can be very counterproductive. At the extreme end, it can bring on anxiety attacks.

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Some people in society are naturally suspicious of manipulation. Be the protagonist once and you may well have lost them forever. This is said to be particularly of the addicted in life – they have a disdain for manipulation.[1] This is possibly based in the deadly sin of pride, which alcoholics and others ‘dependants’ struggle excessively with. Pride is often-times a symptom of a lack of faith or lack of ability to trust in an other. These people are pre-disposed to both feeling and being manipulated.

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If you are on the receiving end of being manipulated, meaning that you know beyond reasonable doubt that it is occurring and it’s not a figment of your imagination, you need to:

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- Either confront the person/s instigating it; or,

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- Simply get out of the situation.

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When you’re in a situation where the person is close and you don’t have many options but to confront the situation or person, ensure you do your thinking and planning on the situation prior to the event. Manipulators are smart and use guilt quite effectively. Be wary of it. Don’t put up with dysfunctional and co-dependent relationships. Challenge them.

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It can be of such relief when you extricate yourself from the claws of a manipulator. Don’t simply do it because you desire the freedom. Do it for the right reasons, as a response to the injustice.

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The real reason why someone will want to manipulate you is generally based in fear. They seek to control you or your behaviour in a subversive sort of way; in a way that is dishonest and lacks transparency. It’s patently evil. Don’t stand for it. Challenge it respectfully and get released.

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© 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Alcoholics Anonymous, Daily Reflections - February 28, What? No President?, (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1990), p. 67.

The Benefits of a Good Confrontation - Answering the Difficult Questions

This’ll fly in the face of what you may think – a good confrontation, which is a conversation where you are able to challenge someone regarding a boundary they’re intruding upon, is actually very beneficial. Crudely speaking, a boundary is a protection line ensuring health in our relationships, so we neither hurt others and they don’t hurt us.

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Cloud and Townsend assert the importance of good confrontations in their highly acclaimed book, Boundaries Face to Face. They say that even a poor confrontation can bring good in the form of relief to one or both parties. It’s something not to be resisted. It can resolve alienation between parties and bring healing to that “lost” feeling, if it’s done properly with the correct mixes of grace and truth.

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Let’s tack a side-road for a moment. Tile Technology Roofing Company, a business featured in the best-seller of Christensen et al “Fish Tales,” has an outstanding reputation for its positive attitude and ethos of “Choose Your Attitude.”[1] They have a special room in the back of their administration facility called “The Pond.” It’s a room with little other than sand, a pond, and two chairs – it’s a beach scene. It’s somewhere you can take someone and have an honest word with them, without either taking offense. You can go there for 15 minutes or two hours, it doesn’t matter. People are encouraged to go there and have the confrontation in sanctuary. It could even be with the CEO, director or president! There is a rule that no offense is taken, and once you leave “the pond” the people concerned bear no ongoing grudge toward each other. Mutual respect is upheld.

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The “Relationship Curve” is another fascinating phenomena, hinging on conflict. All close relationships feature this relationship curve. As the relationship forms, there is characteristic high tolerance and relatively few boundaries set … it’s the ‘honeymoon period’ where all seems absolutely perfect. It’s a so-called perfect match. Yet, how many romances fizzle after the “gloss” of this time has faded? Give it 12-months to two years and the relationship will inevitably get to conflict stage. This is where the rubber hits the road and the real work of the relationship begins.

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We have formation, then conflict. Now, the relationship can go either of two ways; it grows or dies. This is fundamental. Firstly, if the conflict is seen as abnormal and something to avoid, the relationship will begin to stagnate. This might seem at the time the best way to ‘keep the peace’ but in the end it will bring less peace and infinitely more frustration to either one partner or both. We can’t hide what we feel, and what ticks us off. It’ll surface eventually. Another characteristic of this stagnant relationship – if both parties decide to live with the dysfunction – is death; the relationship will be dead. There will be no life to it and no life springing from it; both partners will feel estranged, disconnected, and “missing something.” This will continue until one or both partners wants more. And this can only be 1) good via confrontation, resolution, healing, and life; or, 2) not-so-good via a separation of the partners in the relationship in preference for something “new.”

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The second option is much healthier, yet more painful up front for both parties of the relationship. It views conflict as a normal part of the relationship curve. How could this be true you might ask? It’s about curiosity. What transforms the relationship and makes it chock full of life is curiosity. Such a little word with such power for the positive is curiosity. It asks, “What are the possibilities?” Where there is conflict AND curiosity, and preferably in both partners, there is the real possibility of transformation because of the conflict! In this incredible way, the conflict actually brings more life to the relationship. This is one situation where “normal” is not good.

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Confronting conversations acknowledge that while we can’t make someone change, we can do much to create the right environment, promoting change. Confrontations also clarify reality; a shared reality. Avoiding people reinforces fear of not treading on toes. Confronting attends to the reality of the proverbial ‘elephant in the room everyone can see.’ Tile Tech recognised the need to confront things in honesty, and sought to build a culture and a physical environment where conflict could be the catalyst for upwardly spiralling interpersonal and relational growth. This was a key part of their success in ‘choosing their attitudes.’

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For confrontations to go well, we must be emotionally present and in tune with one another. This means being warm and careful not to lecture, respecting differences, and limiting discomfort for either party. We must be careful not to injure the other. We must also learn to observe ourselves. We should speak from our need not theirs (or what we think might be their need). This is where “I” statements are crucial. Commence the stating of needs with, “I need … [the thing, support etc] … from you.”

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Here are some tips from Cloud and Townsend:

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· Be clear about the nature of the problem, its effects on you, and your desire to see change. The “I need…” part of the conversation comes after this, as it is framed in a way that makes it possible to see the issue in the correct light.

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· Balance grace and truth. “Many of us live in two worlds. In one we have connection without truth; in the other, truth without connection.”[2] With a vast number of our friendships and valued relationships we avoid truth so as not to hurt the other, and in other relationships we “bulldoze” others in truth because we have no valuable connection to maintain. We need to address both types of situations with proportional amounts of grace and truth.

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· When faced with one approach versus the other, viz grace and truth, and there’s doubt about when, how and why, think conservatively and give the benefit of the doubt in grace. Delay the confrontation or choose to believe the your partner/the other person. This is grace, which is “undeserved favour.”

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· Stay on task: be ADULT; this is being reasonable, responsible, rational, realistic, and logical. This requires diligence, vigilance. Attend to the entire conversation this way.

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· Whilst not getting emotional, focus on describing your feelings (how you feel) and not thoughts. This will help you get to the heart of the issue, whilst communicating caringly.

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· Make sure you affirm and validate the other person you’re confronting, being especially careful to actively listen and re-phrase with empathy what they’re saying prior to responding yourself.

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· Don’t be afraid of apologising first. If you say sorry they’re less likely to feel defensive; you are then more likely to be able to confront the issue in a helpful environment. Be genuine.

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We must balance grace and truth in all our communications if we want to be effective. It is never more important to balance grace and truth than when handling a delicate situation. Be wise and think “win/win,” being careful not to shut the other party down.

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Confrontation means in Latin, “to turn your face toward, to look at frontally.”[3] Don’t be afraid to have the strength of courage to confront the loved one, friend, or co-worker you’re having trouble with. This sort of courage is manifested from a love that supports both grace and truth.

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It could mean the difference between life and eventual death for your relationship.

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© 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Christensen, J., Lundin, P.C., Paul, H., & Strand, P., Fish! Tales: Real-Life Stories to Help You Transform Your Workplace and Your Life, (New York, Charthouse Learning, 2002), pp. 107f.

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[2] Cloud, H., & Townsend, J., Boundaries Face to Face: How to have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding, (Sydney: Strand/Zondervan, 2003), p. 16.

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[3] Cloud, H., & Townsend, J., Ibid. p. 19.

Dealing With Teens The Easy Way - Competence and Confidence

Most parents find bring up teens a thankless task. It's often painful. How do you love and help someone who doesn't seem to love themselves? This article proposes tips and ideas to trigger in parents of teens, creativity for action. Think for a moment, what are your own memories of the teen years. Walk a mile in 'their' shoes. This article should help.
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To View Article at EzineArticles click the following link: http://EzineArticles.com/?id=1010482

Present musings... "On Mondayitis"

Another month is here, and we're into Day 2 already. How time goes.

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Life is a topsy-turvy affair. I'm reminded of a book-CD set that I was once given by a very good friend. It's called The Interview With God. There's a screen-saver in it that states poignantly the paradoxes of life... I'll try to dig it out and write about it some time as it's fascinating how unhappy we get most of the time, yet we have it all. After all we are alive, aren't we?

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Time is something I could do with more of. I was only reflecting (okay, it was more of a lamenting...) with my manager on Friday during my Employee Development System planning session about my workload. He gently reminded me that everyone's in the same busy boat. It was just what I needed to hear.

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I struggled for a few moments thinking 'he's not empathetic at all,' yet what I heard God whisper was salient... get on with it... you really are in a privileged position... great job, top people to work with, great environment, opportunities to make a difference, flexibility... I can't ask for much more to be honest. It's the reality I love.

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I confessed with my manager that I hadn't had "Mondayitis" in fifteen years--he was quite envious, and said I should "bottle" what I had and find a way of selling it... Mmmm...

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Truth is there was one period, no two, when I found it a real struggle to want to go to work. The first was when I'd just returned to Perth in June 1996. I had to go back on the tools, and it was wet and cold and the work environment was "dingy" to say the least. The second time was after the separation... it wasn't the work I couldn't stand... it was the grieving; the work in front of me came a distant second... I simply couldn't focus. It wasn't like I didn't want to; I just couldn't.

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I sometimes struggle to get to sleep because I can't wait to awaken in the morning. To have time alone, to muse, reflect and plan, to write, to mix thoughts with God. It's shalom.

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Weekends are only very mildly more exciting than weekdays for me, as one day merges into the next. Each day is special and new, and brings new surprises and opportunities!

When Chaos Strikes – Dealing With The Unexplained

I deduce a fair amount of what people are thinking from how I see them behave. Psychologically, it’s simple observation. Watch body language for any length of time and you can determine more of what you might see. I think it’s fascinating to watch and predict; sometimes I’ll be right and other times I’ll be quite surprised. It’s an imperfect but reasonable science. People’s intentions are normally telegraphed in what they do, and how they do it.

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For example, I encountered a light work truck just the other day on my way to work. The first thing I observed was it overtook me just after the corner we had both just turned. The interesting thing I noted straight away was the large sticker the work truck displayed on its tailgate: “Practice Safety Now,” it read. I was intrigued at this point, and continued to follow the work truck looking for further cues in driver behaviour that would align with either the safety message displayed or the unsafe overtaking behaviour I had just witnessed.

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I was captivated by what I continued to see. There was a mix of behaviours that indicated that the driver might have been aware that he was meant to drive safely, but he didn’t really know how to achieve this in totality. He was a young driver. He might have been in a hurry. At times he seemed in a hurry, and at other times over the twenty kilometre trip he didn’t. His behaviour was perplexing. It wasn’t consistent with one way or the other.

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Reflecting later, I determined that this young man could have been experiencing an onset of a form of mental chaos. A lack of patience and ability to sit with the “tension” of a situation will lead to various mental, emotional, and spiritual chaoses. In the same way, not knowing how to behave consistently in a given situation reveals chaos in the cognitive processes. A dissonance occurs. Sometimes it’s because we are asked to behave a certain way, perhaps for safety, and yet it is not explained why we are to behave this way – we just have to do it.

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I wonder if this was the case for this young man. Was he expected to drive safely yet hadn’t been correctly motivated (trained) in how to achieve it? I tend to think that in order to behave safely we need to understand “why” among other things. It also means knowing when and how to deal with chaos patiently. When the brain’s processes are confused we need to bring in a higher level of thinking: “neocortex” thinking. It’s in these regions we can rationalise many sources of conflicting information, but we invariably need time to analyse things properly; we need to delay processing. It doesn’t always work in the heat of the moment where many safety battles are fought mentally, and either won or lost for the cause of individual or group safety.

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This is where training comes in. The trouble is the training of today (i.e. traditional training) is a bit of a joke; there’s a 2-day course in something and then you wonder why the person hasn’t changed when they returned to work. We lose it almost straight away. Training someone to behave safely requires a journey with that person. They need to be mentored and it can take years.

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Motivating people to deal with the inevitable chaos that comes requires explanation in anticipation of it. When we anticipate things, particularly what we’d call the ‘abnormal’ things that bring on chaotic feelings, we can plan to respond in the appropriate way. It requires explanation. It’s “When this happens, do this” philosophy. Then it’s a matter of practise. Train in the knowledge, and then in the skill i.e. in the application of the knowledge in the situation.

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When people are trained properly, and they are supported by the right culture, they normally respond very well.

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© 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Where Are You On The Emotional Intelligence Continuum?

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) is said to be the combination of:

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• Self-awareness;
• Self-management;
• Social awareness – empathy; and,
• Relationship management.

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Where are you on the Self-Social Awareness / Self-Relationship Management Continuum? Do you...

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1. Hurt people at will and not think any more about it or say sorry. The basic attitude is, ‘It’s their fault.’ This is ‘unconscious incompetence.’ In other words, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” It’s ignorance either by choice or not.

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2. Hurt people at will, then regret it perhaps a day later, but still not say sorry. You live with the ill feeling, and by virtue of your lack of action you leave ‘them’ with it too. This is the beginnings of ‘conscious incompetence.’ Suddenly you’re becoming more socially aware. Yet, you’re still unable to do anything about it.

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3. Hurt people “unintentionally” and see it basically straight away, but fumble with the situation. You see you’re wrong but can’t help them or you with resolution. You feel guilty. You are still in the ‘consciously incompetent’ stage.

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4. Hurt people without meaning to and regret it straight away, and then you actually do something to remedy it; though perhaps later. This is the beginning of the transition from ‘conscious incompetence’ to ‘conscious competence’ in the realm of social awareness and self-management.

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5. Adjust as you’re about to unintentionally hurt someone. Before you hurt them, you pull yourself (and your proposed speech or action) back. In other words, you’re ‘consciously competent’ with others’ feelings. You catch the words as or before they escape forever.

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6. Not hurt others. You’re so aware most of the time that essentially others’ feelings are safe with you. You could consider yourself ‘unconsciously competent.’ Another way of putting it would be, you’ve mastered the skill of reflecting in the moment.

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If you featured mainly in the 5/6 range you are demonstrating what could be called ‘distinctive’ competence in Emotional Intelligence. You have groomed a character that is rare these days. Your self-awareness and social competence is sought after, and it leaves its impression on others; they can’t help but notice ‘you are different.’ You are said to be respectful, friendly, mature, and considerate. If you’re in this bracket you still need to maintain your EI, however.

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It’s something to strive for in life. EI, unlike most other forms of intelligence, can be developed. It can be perfected more and more. In theory, and by virtue of the fact we’re human, there’s no limit to how much our EI might be developed. Now, if you give yourself more of a 3/4 rating you’re certainly on the right track, but you might need to search for ways to develop your EI further, for instance, through a leadership program, mentoring, or reading EI-style books.

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There are literally millions of places to get good EI material to ‘feed on’ these days. As you learn and grow you’ll find yourself developing a sense of discernment for this material, knowing instinctually what’s good and what’s not so good. Simply exercise choice. Less is best. Good quality material is good to meditate and muse on. Daniel Goleman (1995, 1998) is one of the foremost gurus on the subject.

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It’s been said that you can have four (4) PhD’s and still not know really a thing about EI. And it’s true unfortunately. What is wonderful however is when the much learned person applies the learning potential in developing themselves in an entirely different way, the personal EI way. Conversely, the person who develops EI can also deploy these skills in the development of knowledge. It’s then only a matter of time before you can earn that degree or doctorate you’ve always wanted!

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Here’s a challenge I give to both academics and novices alike, especially those who may have reached dizzy heights. It’s to enter into a personal growth journey. And it’s to not only improve their own ‘quality’ of life, but it’s also to enhance others’ lives so much through the quality of education, character and influence they have. Powerful people must understand the power of their influence. It needs to be used positively. It needs to be used to serve people.

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I believe we’ve failed as human beings if we haven’t spent our lives driving toward achieving the “6” rating on this scale; to become unconsciously competent at treating others with irrefutable and utmost respect; and for it to be first, not second nature.

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When we reach ‘this place,’ we are nothing short of inspiring to those around us, and this effect is infectious. Love oozes out of every situation and we feel simply alive! Can you imagine working or living in an environment where everyone is on the “same ‘EI’ page?” I think that would be the pinnacle of living.

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Let me give you an example of this type of environment in real life, though an example from the ancient Near East, during the first Century of the Common Era.

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They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47 NIV)

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What do you think? Could it be that God is the missing dimension in developing EI? Can it be that God can give the right drive and motivation for loving and serving our fellow human beings? Is it that the person of Jesus, no matter what you currently think of him, is the way to the humility, generosity, and selflessness that’s required in your life to attain a higher level of EI?

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It’s such a pity to see an otherwise fully developed older person who’s emotionally unintelligent. Not only does it affect them personally, but it has widespread ramifications for anyone close to them; in the extreme cases it’s responsible for damage and abuse that leaves a mark on the affected lives of loved ones.

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If you want success and a future for your loved ones it’s foreboding to not commit to EI from today!

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© 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Not the “Means;” It’s The End And Purpose of Life Itself: Wisdom

Can we formularise life? Can we make up or discover a system that can guide us? Nothing is perfect. Only God’s perfect. But we can venture into Wisdom and find within it an ideal ally and companion for life. I’m proposing there are seven (7) key virtues of life (“principal values”) that can guide us in growth toward the goal of a healthy, fulfilling life that seeks to live now, and also leave behind a lovely legacy. Combined, these principal values form a neat philosophy for personal growth and development. I am writing a book on this philosophy and it’s draft title is, “What is truth?”

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Wisdom is not simply the means to life. It’s an end in itself. God is wisdom, as he is love, as he is truth, as he is light, as he is salvation, and as he is grace, among the many other things he is. We are told wisdom existed prior to Creation. It was the first of God’s works. It is God’s nature. Therefore, if we want to make sense of life we need to see this as the key to it all.

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We also need to know that acquiring wisdom requires a search, and a lifelong search at that! The depths of wisdom cannot be plumbed. As we search we will just keep finding more and more; much like a wealth of a certain resource in a mine. Using the mining analogy, we might have to employ varying techniques to get at the “ore” of wisdom and retrieve it, as well as finding varying qualities of this “ore” as we go. Some of our “finds” in this search are simply breathtaking, like the discovery of a large gold nugget or gemstone. Sometimes it is simply hard going, but we know we need to endure these times in order to discover more. Wisdom proves itself miraculous in life. It’s worth more than fine silver and gold.

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The seven principal values are: diligence, prudence, shalom (which is a “whole peace”), balance, trust, respect, and wisdom, are all interdependent on each other—as one is activated and dealt with, so are the others, at least in some small way. In other words, if we improve one, we will slightly (at least) improve the others. (There is a Model in the book “What is truth?” that shows the interrelationship of these seven principal values with Wisdom and truth.)

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Let’s dive in at the deep end with an illustration of the interdependence...

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It can be shown that if we apply trust, which can be demonstrated in many ways, like being courageous, having faith etc, we become beneficiaries of more shalom. It takes prudence and diligence to trust – it’s not just hard work (diligence) to begin with, and it takes some self-control (prudence) to trust. It takes wisdom to be patient. Patience is a big part of trust. To trust means being honest; again, honesty is an intrinsic act of courage. To forgive anyone means we must trust, and in this way we also show respect for the person we forgive. To effectively trust we must be reasonably balanced in life. If our life is in chaos it will be more difficult to trust. Balance promotes the ability to trust. Lastly, we simply cannot implement wisdom living without a whole lot of trust.

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What about another principal value?

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Take shalom. To receive shalom, or as I like to put it, to “achieve shalom,” in the moment, we have to do our work (diligence), be careful about what we say and do (prudence), and we must have balance in life; we must trust God (have faith); we must be respectful; and, we need to attend to overall wisdom living, which is a summarisation of all these in any event. Shalom is always a moment-by-moment proposition. So, these principal values interact with it in a moment-by-moment way.

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I have just shown the interdependence of the other six principal values with trust firstly, and then with shalom secondly. It works with each of the others as well.

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Let’s now break the principal values down in a different way. It’s a way that illustrates the special holistic nature of this system of thinking or philosophy.

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It covers three key life functions or situations that recur over and again:

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1. Personal mastery: diligence and prudence;

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2. Life-givers: shalom and balance; and,

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3. Social awareness relationship enhancers: trust and respect.

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Now, this theory posits that we need access to both personal mastery values and life-giving values to tap into the social awareness relationship enhancers, trust and respect. Again, interdependence. We could transpose the formula and it would work out true too.

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All three lead to, and complement and enhance, wisdom. They ‘add up’ to wisdom.

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Personal Mastery: Diligence and Prudence

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Diligence and prudence come first because they are personal. They impact us personally, and are most noticeably created or developed (one is [i.e. ‘you’] diligent or prudent) because of personal reasons, drives, and motivations.

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Diligence is order; an appreciation of the need for diligence to create order in life. It is being resolute and seeking resolution in all situations, working with tenacity, industry, and a focus on definable action. It is commitment and a firm intent, based on a heart for righteousness, and an unreligious piety which is dutifulness; a focus on carefulness; a rejection of haste. Other applicable adjectives as personal characteristics are: responsible, dependability, discipline, obedience, and leadership.

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Prudence is primarily self-control over what enters and leaves the mouth, and a heart that reflects same. Everything in prudence can be rated on eating/intake and communication. It’s taking care to be silent in tenuous times, adherence to temperance, moderation in all things, discretion and finery; it’s always inoffensive and impossible to offend. Proverbs mentions that the prudent: overlook insults; act out of knowledge and not from their own opinion; give thought and consideration to their ways and steps; always think and act with the humility in heeding correction; seek refuge in dangerous situations; and, have a constant awareness of one’s context and environment.

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Diligence and prudence are the centre-most character qualities that others look for in making judgments about us. They assess our character critically on these values first; on how diligent and prudent we are. If we are branded “lazy” or a “gossip” it has relevance personally. These are character attacks that speak most cogently to our levels of competence (or lack thereof) regarding both diligence and prudence.

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If we are feeling personally fulfilled it will be largely because we consider that we’ve been diligent and prudent in our attitude and behaviour. Our self-image and self-esteem is buoyed this way. These are key personal values, which have a tremendous impact on the next two. These two come first.

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Life-givers: Shalom and Balance

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Shalom and balance go together because they are both life-giving. Though they are subtly (and importantly) different, they are highly interdependent with each other and the key to life today — the present age. If there was ever a time when we have lost focus on these it’s now!

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Shalom is many things, and not simply “peace.” It’s even a feeling of completeness, and a thorough sense of self-awareness. It’s tranquillity and harmony, a total absence of discord, and absolutely no cognitive dissonance. It’s the most important and best state for a human being to achieve. It’s simply heaven on earth.

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If we have shalom it will be because of our level of life balance. The contra is applicable.

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Balance is the thing that is missing in much of life today—it’s much more than simply “work/life balance.” It’s that and more. It’s also about autonomy and being (able to be kept) accountable. A balanced life uses time wisely and considers the various priorities and impacts of time; it’s a “focused life.” It protects our accessibility. It’s self-empowerment to be able to do things well, all the time. It’s consistently high performance. It protects and enhances vitality.

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Relationship-enhancers: Trust and Respect

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Trust and Respect also go together and come last before Wisdom and are both relational. Again, these are highly interdependent on each other; if one does not respect people, trust is not afforded back in those relationships. If you don’t trust someone, they are unlikely to respect you — it’s a very reciprocal arrangement.

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Trust is love never failing, and a seeking for kindness. It’s the grace to forgive and forget, gratitude in all things, and acceptance of things that cannot be changed. It’s also the detachment of one to one’s desires, openness to all good things, a call to perseverance, and it’s also never losing hope.

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Respect is a seeking for justice and righteousness, sincerity, and giving honour to all people; it’s listening more than what would normally be expected, as well as an unquestioned integrity, driven by humility, compassion, empathy, and fairness, at any cost; it’s consideration whenever it is due, and even sometimes when it is not, and tolerance for all people; it’s being socially intelligent.

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Not the “Means;” It’s The End And Purpose of Life Itself: Wisdom

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Finally, wisdom is separated out as unique and special. Nothing is like wisdom. Wisdom is truth; the way things are. Wisdom and truth are both synonymous and highly interchangeable.

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Truth is wisdom; longevity based in truth — it works always — being grounded in it. Striving for health and wellbeing, a true wholesomeness based in the right fear of God, seeking to understand rather than be understood. It’s both and simultaneously eternal and transitory in perspective; it’s the totality of true perspective. It’s a right curiosity and a true appreciation of beauty and excellence.

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Wisdom is as broad as life, and many would suggest infinitely broader than even that.

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We look at wisdom from purely a life-perspective, however. (We take into account only this aspect of wisdom. Theologically and practically, wisdom is as broad as “Creation.”) Wisdom provides the three keys[1] to life: long life and its associated benefits, prosperity in its different forms, and honour, which is your name, fame, and reputation—it’s what you will take to Heaven; the only thing perhaps.

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So, this philosophy is the answer to the question: “What is truth?” For when it’s all been said and done, there’s just one thing that matters: living for truth. Did you or didn’t you? That will be the question asked of you. Even at the 11th hour you may not have been, but it’s the finish that counts. Will you finish strongly?

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The application of these seven principal values can catapult anyone into character growth and development that seeks only for truth; reality at any cost, even to the expense of the individual concerned. Because there is something more important than personal comfort and ease; it’s pleasing God. You can only come to know real peace, joy and love through a relationship with God.

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What is truth? This question is, in my opinion, the key to the purpose of life; a life, again in my opinion, that is only available through a true Spirit-filled relationship with Jesus Christ; only he can effectively answer our innermost searching questions and satisfy our deepest longings.

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With him, and him alone, truth is available; truth that finally and powerfully sets us free.

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© 2008 Steven John Wickham. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] See Proverbs 3:2, 16; 21:21; 22:4.

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Get over yourself!

I find it so frustrating to encounter people who cannot 'get over themselves.'

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Let me get to the point. I find that some people are so 'into themselves' they talk incessantly about either how good they are, or about their favourite things - as if your things never mattered. Whatever you might have to contribute to the conversation is "obviously" not as important, relevant or worthy... it's all about them, their work, their achievements, their egos!

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Sounds like I have a chip on my shoulder doesn't it? I guess I do. I struggle for the main part trying to rationalise in my own mind how supposedly mature people/Christians do this. Especially Christians! How they bring discredit and dishonour to the name of the Lord Jesus Christ! Yet, they refuse to see it... does this remind you of a deadly sin? Yes, it's pride. It's arrogance and purposeful ignorance; like the proverbial fool, they refuse to learn. They can't possibly learn any more than the limited amount they have because they're "full" already. No more room in the Inn!

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I'm giving my life in service of character growth and development. The major benefactor here is of course, me. Yet, it's others I wish to serve and learn from.

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I will continue patiently enduring these people who are pumped full of pride. It's every Christ-seeking person's responsibility to do this. It's not as if I deserve a medal for this. It's just service out of love and worship of the Lord, my God. I want God's way, no matter the pain that this desire brings me personally. I don't care. There are times when perhaps God might bring in a real test (as he is inclined to do!) and that will challenge me; these words are fully open to the test... can I succeed by maintaining my diligence and vigilance? Time will tell. As Jesus says in Matthew 11:19... For me at least, this is probably the most compelling Scripture passage around Wisdom:

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"But wisdom is proved right by her actions."

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Jesus is saying in effect, wisdom is truth. The opposite is also true. Whatever happens, however people act and behave, comes essentially from the heart of truth. We do selfish and evil things because our hearts are selfish and evil.

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Why do we need God? John 3:19 answers this question: "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness..."

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Can anyone KNOW Christ yet not be compelled to utterly smash the sin of pride in themselves? I don't think so. It's not my experience. Being born again means you've seen the Light once and for all and you'll never ever be the same... praise be to God!

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You cannot stay as you are and KNOW Christ. When you know Christ, you can't continue in your complacency. I look at many people and how they behave and wonder why they don't suddenly cringe when they are full of pride... full of themselves. I know that when it surfaces in me, it makes me cringe basically every time and I don't have the option of repenting or not. I lose my peace, my shalom, and I just must sort it out, say sorry, and move on without the chip of pride. It's the only way back to life, and I can't handle my life without the life of Christ.

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I'll never be perfect, thank goodness. I know that by conveying my true thoughts like this will have some people accuse me (at least mentally) of being full of pride myself. I know differently and I believe God does too.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

Chaos Can Be Your Friend

You remember a time I’m sure where you felt that everything in life was completely out of control and you were at your wits end, ready to explode in fury. Or was it a time when you felt so confused and disorganised that nothing made sense and you felt like you were going insane?
Chaos. We need to get rid of it right? Establish some order; get some semblance of structure back into things... no way! The ability to live with it, in the moment, and go with it, is the stuff of character.

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Don’t get me wrong. Unending, constant chaos is not what I’m talking about.

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I’m suggesting that if we develop the ability to dwell in the chaos, which brings discomfort and a level of mental pain, we can grow much more and in much more dynamic ways than if we choose the same old staid ways.

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Can you endure some pain, the pain of present chaos, patiently? The Bible, for one spiritual book, talks about enduring the painful, chaotic patiently. It’s a spiritual norm mostly. Most religions discuss the same attitude. It’s about drawing on the resources that are already within you. Resources of the Spirit. These resources have potential to grow like you would not believe. But it’s true. Nurture them and grow them in patience, enduring the pains of the present moment.

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This is probably the most empowering spiritual principles there this. Just think, if you can deal with this type of adversity, you can deal with anything! It’s truly marvellous. In the Bible the Apostle Paul says we are more than conquerors though Jesus who loves us. He takes us through the chaos if we let him. The more people come against us, the more we have God’s power to ‘endure through’ it.

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In another part of the Bible, James compels us to “Consider it pure joy” when we face trials of all kinds... why? Because it builds patient endurance and character and maturity in us. It’s that simple.

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This is part of the purpose of life.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Facilitation and Presentation Keys – Manage Behaviour, Not The Content

Ever totally blown a presentation to a customer or client that you thought was going to be a clear winner? Ever completely misread the social and interpersonal dynamic of the group you’ve sought to influence? What about character assessment? Have you ever been surprised at the reactions that you’ve witnessed to the proposal you made?

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Isn’t it astounding on reflection how often we fail to make the impact we’d desired with an otherwise powerful presentation? It’s perplexing to only find later we’ve gone overboard on the preparation of the content and not prepared adequately in relation to who’s actually there, and their possible reactions to the material. We’re clearly talking psychology here.

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It’s frustrating to know we’ve blown our opportunity. The same opportunity will never return. It can mean the difference between getting a job, winning an important tender or contract, or creating the vital change necessary to that system or process, and not succeeding at all, finding your way right back to the ‘drawing board.’

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The concept here is very simple: Manage behaviours, not the content. If you are the content expert, the task of content is a given; it’s assumed. Don’t agonise over it. Just ensure all the right data and facts are in there, that it’s logical and balanced.

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The rest of your time, effort and money should be invested in three things: the interrelationship between 1) you; 2) your content; and 3) your audience.

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Focus on what you know of each individual who’ll be represented at the presentation or facilitated session. Try and envision what might occur, creating a mind-picture, especially regarding issues and problems. Foresee curly questions. Don’t simply work out ‘pat’ answers for questions, but work on empathising with each person’s issues. ‘Seek first to understand’ as Stephen Covey might put it. Be open and non-defensive; remember you are the ‘supplier’ and you want to supply what they want. It’s not about you, it’s about them!

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During the early part of the presentation it’s critical to establish your credibility to talk on or address the subject. What makes you qualified to have an opinion anyway? You need to tell them. Make sure you speak confidently and truthfully about the knowledge, skills, and experience you have to earn the right to be heard and considered. Even if they know you, it’s important to cover some of the history so you can show you know the status quo. Do this and you might just save yourself from having to answer a ‘curly question’ because it’s assumed you don’t know.

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Set ground rules, but no more than two or three as the session will get bogged down. Do it collaboratively with the group. Ask, “Would you be okay if we...” as you put ground rules to them, whilst looking for body language to suggest agreement or disagreement. Go with the body language. A good ground rule to begin with could be around questions; when they’re okay, one at a time, etc. One person speaking at a time is also good, and this can also be hedged in with the rule that while you are facilitator or presenter, you have control of the group whilst the presentation or session is in progress. This can be communicated in the way you manage the group and often doesn’t need to be said. It can be risky to suggest you’re in control, though in reality, you need this sort of control and influence to be successful. Be assertive in your leadership.

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Structure the delivery of information so that it appeals to all personality types in the room; you should address facts, ideas, emotions, and analysis. And make sure you have a powerful introduction and conclusion; most presentations fail because of a weak ending. You can recover from a weak middle-part with a strong finish. Stories and anecdotes are good as they enrich the personal imagery for each person present, and it engages the neural heart and stomach. Don’t be afraid of using pictures instead of words. Simply encourage creativity. People love to be entertained and taken on a journey.

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Focus on group dynamics, and build rapport. If there are any dysfunctional behaviours exhibited in the group you should try your best to objectively and subtly nip them in the bud. Address them as they come. Don’t risk the presentation by letting it get out of hand. Don’t be afraid of naming the “elephant in the room.” It’s a good idea to get this out of the way, besides nothing else will help your credibility more than being brutally, but above all respectfully, honest. It shows you’ve got character to challenge this and not side step it like the typical ‘jelly fish’ would.

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To summarise, don’t get fixated about your content; trust your own knowledge and ability as it will get you over the line. The great unknown is your audience. Take time to prepare for them. Be assertive which is simply: ‘lead by taking care of their concerns without buckling.’

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Presenting and facilitating is fun. It’s working with people, and you never know quite what you’ll get. All the more reason to prepare for the unexpected!

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Meeting Destiny – Embracing The Sea Of Opportunity

PREPARATION IS THE KEY to life. Let me use a common everyday example to illustrate the point. At a train station recently, a middle-aged woman was in front of me fumbling with her handbag and in a panicked state trying to feed a $20 note into the ticket machine. A station officer approaches to see if he can assist, and he can’t. Getting frustrated at the station officer she leaves fuming to find out that the machine takes only smaller notes.

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I observe her as she leaves and she is very distressed. It was too late to offer her change for her money; I didn’t have the presence of mind in any event. The issue at its root cause is she didn’t prepare her journey well enough. She didn’t make/take the time to ensure she could get onto the train uninhibited. And this is so true to life for us all. We all end up getting caught out because we run out of time, revealing we haven’t planned effectively enough. It happens sooner or later, and more to some than to others. There’s a wisdom lesson here. Those who prepare well, go better in life.

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Actor Denzel Washington has said, “Luck is where opportunity meets preparation.” In other words, there’s no such thing as luck – we’re in the right place at the right time because we have prepared for the opportunity and were able to embrace it. We planned and saw ahead. The opportunities of life await, and they occur, and they wait for no person. When we’re prepared it’s great, when we’re not it causes us to panic as if the world were coming to an end. Most of the time the only consequence is we ‘have to catch the next train.’ I’m sure you’d agree it’s rarely enough to panic for. But we hate to be caught unprepared.

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I want to suggest that this idea, the one of ‘opportunity meeting preparation,’ is very similar to the theory of personal mastery I’ve written about previously.

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There are three stages that define both ideas.

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One: There is something we “can do.” It is to prepare. It is also in personal mastery terms accepting the current reality. Both things we “can do.”

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Two: There is something that “comes.” It is the opportunity. It is also in personal mastery terms the vision of personal mastery. Both come to us; we can create the circumstances that they come, by either setting up other things to support the presentation of the opportunity, and also by ‘visioning’ the idea of personal mastery at the individual, personal level.

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Three: Then there is the “outcome.” The former idea suggests that ‘luck’ can be the outcome. Like when someone says of you getting something you wanted, “You were lucky.” It is also the achievement of personal mastery. I suppose in theory, we never entirely and ultimately ‘get there,’ but in essence we achieve certain levels of personal mastery.

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Preparation is the key to life. It demonstrates:

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1. Wisdom through the foresight of seeing ahead and planning for the perceived eventualities;

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2. Patience through faith and courage to invest time, which at times is done without the guarantee of a return; and

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3. Diligence that’s prepared to do what is needed to be done.

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Preparation’s benefits are peace and well-being i.e. shalom. It gives us the opportunity for a balanced life; a life lived in true perspective.

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Perspective in turn is life-giving promoting every good virtue. It brings us to but the very beginning of a wonderful spiritual journey and reality. As the saying goes, ‘The best is yet to come’ for such a person on such a journey.

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As Baden Powell and the cub scouts movement used to say, “Be prepared.”

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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