Forgiveness, the Wisdom of God

Forgiveness is a trust.  A merciful action based on a decision to extend mercy, because mercy has been extended to us—mercy that gave us an unlosable salvation—we reciprocate God’s love.  We love God back as we forgive others.

Forgiveness is as simple as loving God back 
for the mercy that has been extended to us.

When we reduce love of others, love of our neighbour, to the attitude and action of forgiveness, we live a powerful love that works two powerful ways: it delivers a compelling love of hope and grace in all our relationships, plus it is the trust of God, which is God’s only requirement of us when we have accepted our salvation—God’s wisdom for OUR own good.

Forgiveness is the wisdom of God that crushes 
evil’s design to steal hope, kill love, and destroy peace.

Forgiveness is the wisdom of trust.  We must trust God to truly forgive, making forgiveness one of discipleship’s most important performance indicators.  Those who take their faith seriously, seriously trust God to the extent of understanding and appreciating the value of the mercy that has been extended to them as an individual.  It motivates behaviours of reciprocity because God has been so good to us.

In trusting God, a door is opened to us that opens up to us access to a power we can only receive through an iron clad trust of God.  God must be our god, our only god, and this pure allegiance can only be lived one moment at a time.  We march to God’s tune alone when we extend the mercy God’s extended to us to others, each and every time.

~

Living wisely is living a life of mercy repelling daily the instincts to harm others, and in resisting the deliberate holding of hurts, disappointments and betrayals that cling to us from relationships we can’t control during our lifetimes.

NOW, ABOUT JUSTICE

Justice remains eternally important, and in forgiveness what we’re doing is transferring the debts others refuse to pay to us to God, even as, in forgiveness, we repay ALL our debts.

Recognising we’re here for a finite time, the real point of life is recognising that we will MEET God in eternity, and it will be there that a cosmic and irreversible transaction will take place.  True justice and true accounting occur.  It is a trust of faith to know that this does take place, as it is a trust to live as if it will occur, to the reverence and glory of God.

God knows that we must leave justice to eternity.  This is the trust of the requirement, and there’s wisdom in it, because we in our human lives need to uncouple ourselves from the demands that justice be done to our satisfaction, because God knows we will never be satisfied other than via true reconciliation—which beyond justice, is only available on earth when parties reconcile by making peace, which is often not possible because one or both do not confess and repent of their sin.

Justice is infinitely important to God, and at times, and in God’s way, God opens up opportunities for injustice to be reconciled.  That is, in the fullness of time, and by the circumstances of change, where God makes injustice plain to everyone, those who have faced injustice get their opportunity to love their enemy well with the truth even as they have forgiven their enemy’s debts, having transferred those debts to God to judge.

FORGIVENESS, THE WISDOM OF GOD

Where this needs to start and end is in the truth that says, “The days are evil.”  Paul speaks most urgently of our need to live as wise, not unwise, “making the most of every opportunity...”

Two issues that are under the guise of “evil” are temptation and persecution.  One we have a problem with as individuals, the other individuals and entities cause us problems.

The key temptations in life get under our guard and hurt and then harden our hearts.  Hardness of heart leads to an incapacity to forgive.  The worst of it is an absolute loss of insight—that inability to see how merciful God has been with us.

Persecutions occur in many different ways, not least through gaslighting, but there are manipulations, isolation, physical injury, intimidation, etc.  Persecutions can and often do lead to disheartening that usually boomerangs back as a hardened heart.  Victims respond to the abuse that is done to them by what’s called, “reactive abuse.”  Forgiveness is the wisdom of God that fortifies a victim of abuse from reacting.

A reminder of the gospel from John 3:16-18 (NIV):

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.”

Forgiveness is the key way we guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23; Philippians 4:7), and the key truth to return to is the mercy of God.  Indeed, Paul highlights from the first eleven chapters of Romans, having set out a forensically perfect case for the gospel, that everything that God has already done is more than sufficient to motivate us to live a life of forgiveness, which is love, sincerity, gentleness, gratitude, and grace, etc, and everything else about virtuous intent and demeanour from Romans 12-16.

In terms of a living modus operandi, forgiveness is the unbeatable wisdom of God.

~

Forgiveness for a Christian is as simple as loving God back.  There is no better way of loving God than loving others through the forgiveness that God commands us to do.

The call of God on a person’s life

I’ve wrestled with this long enough.  Time to write it.

I’ve had a few people say to me that God is more interested in who I am, who we ARE as individuals, than he is interested in what I or WE as individuals do.

It’s true, of course.  But there’s a nuance to be considered when it comes to calling.

It’s simply this: in terms of calling, what a person does IS who they are.  If a person serves God to the exclusion of other things, their DOING is inherently part of their BEING.

I cannot overemphasise this matter.

Now, of course, it is also true—just to bring in and hold tensions that are there—that is opposites that are equally true—as in ‘both/and’ truths—it is also true that our identity in Christ far surpasses DOING.  It really does.  God’s less interested in what we do “for God” than our loving others, for one instance, and I’d cite Matthew 5:23-24 as the prooftext there.

BUT—in an article like this there are always buts.

If a person has a genuine calling of God on their life, they will not be able to refuse that call.  They can try all they like, and I can tell you personally, I’ve tried to head toward Tarshish very many times, but neither God nor wise ones around me allowed that to happen.  They said, “You need to repent and make turn for Nineveh.”  Leaving my calling never stuck.

I’d go so far as to say that when you’ve got a calling of God on your life, you can be cast out by “man,” but you can’t be cast out of your calling.  What I mean is “men” may cast you out, but God never does.

I know there are people who feel called but who may not serve well, or who may even do harm and think they’re helping.  Repentance is the sign of the called.  A heart that says, “If I do any wrong, I will repent, seek to make restitution, and restore people and situations.”  That’s actually a hallmark of the calling of God in my view, because what’s inherent to calling is the commitment to ‘do no [more] harm’.

But the thrust of this article on calling is the person IS what they do.  Their being is in WHAT they’re doing.  They are highly operational.  Their intent is set on making a tangible difference, which in ministry terms is often a tangibility delivered in intangible ways.

Not least a person called of God shows their call by DOING, given that their BEING is judged by others and God by how they lived their life, what they DID and how they did it, especially in terms of holiness, faith, and repentance.

This is what happens when a person prays the prayer, “Lord, having recognised Your call on my life, my life is Yours now, I pledge to do everything to follow You.”  One could argue that this calling is every Christian’s domain, yet how few take it seriously.

But the one who hears from God, the one who is affirmed by wise others, the one who is affirmed by called others, the gifted one, receives that call because they cannot deny it.

Such a person will always find a way to serve their God.

“... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15

Reflecting over a lifetime, one decade at a time

Having been a human being well over fifty years and having had vocations aligned to the psychology of humanity for nearly half my life, I can attest to the fact that basically no human being feels “perfect” at any time.  Being human isn’t ever easy.  We never stand apart from our humanity.  We can never unthink, unknow, or unfeel our way in this life.

Then we die.

Not to depress you, but at this juncture of life—at the end of a year—it’s normal and natural to engage in reflection.  Those who don’t, miss out.

I like to take a “life scan” at the end of each year, and that’s about reviewing our lives at 10-year intervals and imagining what life might hold in future 10-year intervals.  A life scan is a reflective activity designed to ease us into reflecting over our lives to this point, and then to impel our thinking forward to what might be.

Here’s mine for this year:

2022

A very significant year for several reasons.  Mum died.  A week after Mum’s funeral, my third grandchild was born.  The key word I would use for this year is “conclusion” as many things reached a state of conclusion.  Good and not-so-good, but mainly good, and there are even good aspects of Mum’s passing—family were there, and she’d lived a life of love at the very least.  In so many ways, some things that started ten years ago concluded.  But with conclusions there are also fresh starts, so 2023 begins with expectation.

2012

The year I turned 45 was significant because it was also a setting up year.  I qualified as a counsellor at the year’s end, my wife was pregnant with our son, and at the end of the year, after an arduous season of nearly ten years, my prayers were answered in the achievement of a pastoral position of my dreams.  This season was punctuated by a season of hope that lasted months.

2002

Wow, 20 years ago it was a leap back into another life!  I was in my first marriage, leading quite a jet-setting secular life, and my three daughters were in Primary School.  In some ways, it was the happiest and most content life but deep down within I wasn’t living the life of my calling.  I didn’t know it yet, but my life would be turned upside down in 12 months.  From this point in life, climbing the corporate ladder with one of the largest oil companies in the world, becoming a pastor would have been the last thing in my thoughts.

1992

Blast from the past again, here, I was working in mining maintenance on the tools in the hot northwest, I’d been married two years and my firstborn was born in this year.  I was 25 and a powerlifting bodybuilder.  There was no sign at this point of the desire to take up career two or career three.  I was content as a tradesman fixing large mechanical machines.

1982

I was in Year 10 High School this year and it was the year before I commenced trade training.  Music and cricket were big in my world.  I had good High School friends and we usually smoked cigarettes outside school at lunchtime.  By this stage in life I did know I wanted to be a fitter and turner (just like Dad).  At this stage in life, being married and a father in ten years was the farthest thing from my mind.

1972

I was five years old commencing Kindergarten.  Life was very isolated for Mum and Dad up in Dampier with no other family and Dad working a lot of overtime.  My younger brother and I were very active boys who loved to play outside in the heat.  Looking back at the family movies at the time, with Mum gone, I still can’t get over how long ago it was, but how that time seems to have flashed by.

1962

I wasn’t born yet, but my parents were “an item” and my existence was now possible.  Mum and Dad were courting whilst living in a small mining town called Bullfinch.  Dad was an apprentice and he and Mum enjoyed going to the pictures together.  Mum worked for the Bullfinch post office.

~

A life scan doesn’t just look back, it looks forward too.  So, I’ll project forward as far as I reasonably can.

2032

At this point, our son will be an adult, and there will be more grandchildren, perhaps another three, making seven overall.  Being 65, I hope to still be fully engaged as a minister for God whether in the church or secular life or both.  We’ll be 25 years married.  And I’m sure, with ten years more life lived, there will be a range of additional losses to grieve.

2042

I still expect to be working, though part time, especially serving God.  I anticipate I’ll be a great grandfather.

2052

If I’m still alive, I’ll be 85.  Still hope to be serving God in some capacity.  Hope to be married 45 years by this point.

2062

Even though I’ve covenanted to be alive still at this point (till 2067 actually), I really don’t expect to be alive at 92, but I’m willing if God allows.

~

The most humbling thing about life is the older you get the more you realise how short life is.  But when you’re young, a whole lifetime seems like longer than eternity itself.

Purpose is more important than Comfort

The recent psychological science attests to the fact that stress is not always bad for us, and indeed it can be the key motivational factor that helps us perform.  This is good news because we all live at least moderately stressful lives, and stress is not something we can control as it’s usually very much, as an input, about external factors.

The point is this: we can achieve in our thinking an emphasis of stress empowering us rather than stress damaging us.  It isn’t ‘positive psychology’ because the science is proven.

We turn stress into motivation
when we convert fear into courage.

It all depends on whether we think stress is harmful for us or whether we think stress could help us if only it’s harnessed, it’s as simple as that.  If we think our stress is harmful, that stress tends to have a toxic effect on our health and vitality.  But if we can work with our stress and use it to drive our motivation, we facilitate oxytocin release for our benefit, moderating our body’s cortisol release.  Our bodies are designed to respond well.

Where this gets positively biblical is when we start to read verses like James 1:2-4, which begins with, “Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds...”  The trouble is, such a thought is so foreign to us that we can scratch our heads and ask ourselves what on earth was James talking about.  “Joy”? ... in “trials of many kinds”?

I see myself in this just as much as you possibly do.  And I think the biggest issue we have these days is we’ve become so used to comfort.  Yet if we were to do some special forces training, we would soon learn to adapt to the stress—we would need to just to survive.  Fortunately, very few of us will ever be subjected to the ignominy of that kind of environment.

Talking negatively about comfort in these ways isn’t really where I want to land this article.

It’s only half the story.

The other half of the story is what puts the dispatch of our comfort into its proper perspective.  Literally nothing else matters in our lives other than meaning and purpose.

If we are connected to a meaning that is intrinsically us, to a purpose that gets us out of bed and motivated to do our best each and every day, we have all we need to live.  We are sustained by that which comes from within ourselves, and there’s really little anyone can do to extinguish our flame, so long as we are in touch with that pilot light deep inside us.

Sure, many of us must rally against the tyranny of trauma, learn how to contend with our triggers, harnessing the empowering aspects of our bodies, and learn to believe again in what we CAN do as opposed to being disabled by what we can’t do.  Our lives aren’t ruined.  It’s only a story, a narrative, that we say to ourselves, that we’re conditioned to believe, that we allow to go unchecked, that we give permission by default to direct our lives.  Negative narratives will run our lives if we let them.

What we can do to contend with this disempowering default is be reminded that we are alive for such a time as this.  We have ONE life.  This one.  The one we’re living.  And anyone subscribing to the Christian life knows there’s an enemy that just wants to incessantly crush every human being, and there’s a much larger price on the head of anyone who lives for God, who is an insurgent of grace against this enemy’s design of subjugation.

Our purpose and the meaning of our lives is urgent.  It ought to get us up each day with a drive to live.  And I understand those in today’s predicament who can’t because I’ve been there.  I’ve been to depression, to grief, to hell... and back.  When we’re battling for the will to live, we must have faith that the trials we face have their purpose in our overall purpose.

My experience is that God wastes none of our suffering.  It’s not just a cliché.  It just takes a few years, or at most a decade or two, consider David or Joseph.  I think it took about 13 years and 17 years respectively.  But it was their purpose.  Their comfort wasn’t their goal, their purpose was.

It’s worth continuing in our purpose rather than be discouraged by our lack of comfort because the years grind on toward the goal anyway.  Going the way of comfort won’t achieve for us our purpose, meaning, or goals.  Those years of comfort arrive just as much as our purposeful end does.  Do we want a satisfied contentedness for achieving our purpose or pungent regret for the ‘achievement’ of our comfort?  Again, we have ONE life.

A focus on our comfort will lead to overwhelm,
a focus on our purpose leads to overcoming.

More important than our comfort is our purpose and the meaning beyond our comfort.  This is not to say that we don’t need safety, because we do.  Our safety is needed to live our purpose.  But living our purpose affords a way of sanctuary and part of our purpose is to continue to find that way.

No matter what is happening in your life right now, no matter how hard it may be, don’t forget to sniff the flowers and look up at that blue or grey or black sky.  The earth and life are the same every day, and your purpose is here.

The grief journey – a thousand ways to acceptance

Is it possible to arrive at the acceptance stage of grief without having experienced the preceding stages?  It’s an absorbing question begging exploration.

Right upfront I would say that it is entirely possible to arrive at acceptance without having experienced all the stages of grief, or of having only experienced a little of some of them.

One categorical question must be asked, however, and that is was the loss that was grieved truly a loss?  Sometimes losses occur and they are truly losses in that we can bear the reality of them, and we move immediately to acceptance, usually because there wasn’t the bond of intimacy with that thing or person we’ve lost.  Then, there are losses that involve cavernous grief and torrents of despair.

Let us imagine the loss we have experienced involves intense grief.
Let’s imagine that there are nuances to the grief process that need to be validated.

The first is that there may be a strong tone of one of the stages, perhaps it’s anger, or perhaps it’s depression, and the other stages don’t show up as much.  This might be about the particular situational features of the loss we are experiencing.

The second thing is, it might be our way to grieve through bargaining, or denial, or depression, or anger, or we may simply hold naturally to a theology of loss that has us arriving quickly at acceptance.  This might be about how we, as individual persons, with our personalities, experience grief, signifying that we all grieve differently.

None of this is right or wrong.
There are no more valid ways of grieving than others.

The tussle of grief is the meandering journey toward acceptance.  It is so frustrating for so many.  On one hand many losses feature the need to remember our loved one, and yet on the other hand we also strongly desire resolution through reaching the acceptance stage.

There are a thousand ways to acceptance.  There is no defined way.  There are no rules to abide by to get there.  It’s more a nebulous, always uncharted journey we ‘arrive at’, never too soon, and it can feel as though it’s a much longer journey than it needed to be.

There are people who will characteristically feel angrier in certain situations of loss especially where there is injustice, and in other situations of loss the grief will feature more bargaining or more depression.  All these are immeasurable.

The feature of grieving that advances us to acceptance quicker and more fully is the nurturing of forgiveness for matters beyond our control.  In such situations, a person looks at the reality of the situation and accepts what they cannot change, or they work toward it.

Part of this peace is nurturing gratitude for what we DO have,
to counteract the confounding feelings of grief that overwhelm.

One of the things the grief teaches us is empathy through connection with compassion for others who are suffering.  Our own suffering opens the eyes of our heart, and the gift of empathy is given to us.  The Bible truth of “it’s more blessed to give than to receive” comes into frame.

To a certain degree we need to experience some curiosity for the rest of the world we’re connected with.  That is, whilst we are sufficiently broken in grief, we also hold the tension of reality for others, sensing that connection with others’ suffering is a key to facilitating the resolution of our own suffering.  This is the reason many of us were connected to service or called to ministry in the first place.

A word to the person who is suffering grief right now: don’t be judged that you are grieving wrong, holding grudges, stubbornly refusing to move forward.  Grief is like a piece of string where we can’t see the ends.  We don’t know how long it is.

Part of the mastery of grief is accepting that it is a mystery, both in process and in timeline.

If the way you grieve isn’t the same as others you have watched or observed, don’t be discouraged.  Try not to be influenced about how others experience loss and grief, for theirs is their own journey.  Try to be free of whatever social norms for grief that might encumber you.  Allow yourself freedom of judgement in your journey in your grief.

Hope when you’ve got nothing left

There are times when I’ve got nothing left.  Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.  I feel like a wreck and there’s no hope for today let alone tomorrow.  All purpose and meaning are vanquished, insight is annulled, motivation crushed.  It’s like a living death.  It’s like life has been consumed and there’s nothing to be lived for.  It’s like everything is limits, there are limits and impediments everywhere, and it’s like everything is frustrated, but frustration is no longer frustrating because to be frustrated there would need to be a hope that’s disappointed.  When there is no hope, there is no disappointment.  This is what it feels like when I’ve got nothing left.

And yet, the theme of my life is “tomorrow” beckons with fresh fire.  And whether that “tomorrow” is actually tomorrow or a week or an hour from now doesn’t matter.  We know it will come.  Resurrection has come this way for me a thousand times.

I’ve experienced this so many times I know it’s part of the same old rhythm.  I can trust that recovery will come because it does come, because it HAS come so very many times now.  And still, I need to tell myself afresh because with literally no insight I can be lulled into a sense of futility and it can seem as though recovery is a light year away.

BUT – one thing that needs to be remembered is this:

If there’s anything we can really trust about the future, it’s the past.  Past patterns are the best predictors of future inevitabilities.

There IS hope because there’s always hope, and whether we see that hope or not is inconsequential.  That hope IS there.  Sometimes we need to be reminded from an external source that it’s there, but it IS there.

Having nothing left is NOT a disaster.

It can actually be a very good thing.  I mean this in a very specific way.  When we acknowledge that we have nothing left and yet we’re not panicked by such a reality, when there’s a sense of realisation and even resignation, we don’t get in our own way.  We experience patience even if there’s a vacuum of hope.

We let go of our frustration, of our anger, of our entitlement that things be different to what they are, and we let go of our insistence that our world be ordered in any way we’d have it ordered.  Letting go is like a resignation.  We walk away and we don’t have any thoughts that will torment us.  It’s like resignation has met acceptance.  We may not like it, but the important thing is we’re no longer consumed by it.

So, the fact that we have nothing left is not the end of our world.

Though we experience a complete lack of hope, paradoxically we’re walking in a more mature hope than we were before.  We’re ready for whatever life might throw at us because we no longer protect ourselves against those things we have no control over.  We admit that life can and will surprise us, and I think this is what resilience truly is.

So, even though you may have nothing left, even though you may have lost hope, don’t despair, because you may have a deeper sense of acceptance now than ever before.

There are so many things over which we have no control.  Resilience then is truly grounded in the repetitive experience of simply bearing the weight of unfavourable circumstances.  It’s the mere fact that we can bear these without them crushing us indefinitely.

So it’s okay that we have nothing left, and indeed it’s an incredible affirmation of our resilience that we can bear it, that we can sit in it, insisting on nothing, because we literally have nothing.

Is it impossible to be grateful and angry simultaneously?

Have you ever thought of this?  As human beings, as emotional beings, as beings capable of feeling, anger and gratitude cannot coexist.

You may think, what does this have to do with anything, and you could be right, but if you have an issue with anger, you might be interested in the antidote.  Or it could be the case that there’s something not quite right in your emotional world at the moment, and you’re searching for a solution, and you sense that there’s something about the quality of gratitude that could help.

Gratitude does help.  Gratitude is the key thing that feeds into kindness, patience, gentleness, and other fruit of the Spirit.  Gratitude fortifies the propensities we all have, the limitations of our humanity, that bear themselves over others and damage our relationships.

Think about the negative role of anger in all our lives because we’re devoid of the gratitude we should otherwise have.  Think of the judgements we make about others, the love we withdraw because we feel entitled to a piece of someone else, or the resentment we carry that we cannot control some finite part of our lives or another’s life.

Whenever we talk about mental health, and inevitably we talk about mental ill health, we are always cognisant of the blow-up point, that point where we lose control, where we react without thinking, as if on automatic pilot, but driven by despairing emotions.

The way to prepare ourselves for good mental health outcomes is via gratitude, as really the only investment we can make that will feed in positively and engorge our circumstances with hope, a sense of joy, even peace.

Gratitude may feel impossible when we’re angry, confused, overwhelmed, afraid, but as soon as we ponder it seriously, our mood is challenged to shift.

That’s not to say that certain so-called negative emotions are invalid.

There’s a time for anger, just as there’s a time for joy, but anger is best justified, channelled, and purpose driven.  It’s when it responds to injustice by actions that right the status quo.  And the best anger is not seen as anger at all, it simply motivates right action.

The build-up to the blow-up point is interesting.  We don’t typically track it well.  This is why gratitude is important as a crucial defence system to invest in daily.

Years ago I had a mantra—no complaints, no compromises, no comparisons—and it worked, for a time.  A better mantra adds something to the “no complaints” piece.  A focus on adding gratitude to our mindset daily is far better than to focus on NOT doing something, in this situation to not complain.

If we agree that anger cannot coexist gratitude, we might agree it will be powerful when deployed as a daily and moment-by-moment strategy in each of our lives.  Imagine being in a state of utter grateful bliss—not a dreamworld paradigm, but a real mindset and state of heart to nurture.

If we fill our lives with the presence of thankfulness for the breath of life, for our senses, for our capacities and capabilities (focused on what we truly have, not what we don’t have), for the concept of life itself, and for a thousand more identifiable gratuities, we add more truth to our lives than we presently do.

Things to be grateful for are truths of goodness that we can be rightly thankful for.

It’s good to be grateful, especially to ward against those times when we might inevitably despair enough that we would assault people or harm ourselves.

To be grateful is not being overly optimistic.  It’s simply the choice to look up and around, and to see what we ordinarily miss, to mitigate the risks of acting entitled and of not being downcast due to the inevitable injustices that rise up against us.  Why do we allow frustrations to overcome us?

Gratitude is the wisdom of choosing what eternity gives us to see every given moment.

I can tell you what I’ve been doing for a while now.  I deal differently with anger in my life or in the lives of others I relate with.  If I’m angry I deal with it.  I pour contempt on the spirit of much of my own anger, and I tell myself to promptly deal with the truth of what’s causing the anger.  When I find that I’m the source of anger in others I ask if there’s anything I can do about it.  Oftentimes I can, so I do.  But beyond that, if a person is angry with me beyond what I’m responsible for, I must leave that as a matter for them to conclude.

We’re all responsible for our own emotions.  Gratitude mitigates the anger that rises up as a complaint of the heart, of resentment, of feeling entitled, of demanding things be different.

By engaging in gratitude, we take responsibility for our emotional world, and we fortify ourselves against losing emotional control.  

When irritability may signal depression

“Irritable!  That’s how I often feel!”  And upon checking with my wife, ten years ago I might add, she agreed.  Strange as it might seem we both realised something was not right, separately, on the same day, after 18 months of struggle.

Such was the realisation that the consuming anger that would rise up without warning was actually a sign that I was reaching my end—I was depressed.  What a revelation that was; to know there was a way out, but that that way out meant admitting my weakness.  And then an irony appeared; the moment I admitted my need for help, in that moment—that very moment—hope drew near.  Hope, ironic hope, amid despair.

Irritability is a tell-tale sign of depression, especially in males.

Toward the end, or when I was having a vulnerable day, something would go ‘wrong’ and I would flip into a moment’s rage, even if I was alone or nobody else noticed; within me I was beside myself with fury.  And at the very same time part of me was asking, in a desperate state of confusion, “What’s going on here, Steve?!”  If I was cognisant enough, I’d be conscious of feeling bewildered.

Such fits of anger were tiring, and though fortunately there was usually no visible harm created, there was much spiritual torment that needed to be reconciled.  I was out of control and didn’t know how to restore that control.

But the word irritability—or irritable—got me wondering.  It hit me in a moment of openness of heart and mind.  God used that word to reveal his truth.  My irritability was the sign I was depressed.  It was a sign that I lacked agency, that I felt out of control in my life, or perhaps I felt controlled.  I had fought the best I could, in my own strength, for 18 months.  Now was the time to truly admit my weakness and seek help.  And the irony, of course, was I was ripe for hope to return.

At the end is the beginning.  When life runs all the way to despair, all that remains is hope when you realise you must change.

WHY ANGER IS OFTEN THE SIGN OF DEPRESSION

Why would we get unreasonably angry otherwise—unless our inner world was in turmoil?

Sometimes anger is all we have left to rail against a world we can neither understand nor work with.  That world, for whatever reason or reasons, has given us cause to feel rejected in some way.  All we have left is anger.  And self-righteousness is the driver because justice has not been served—according to the depressed mindset.

Anger reveals sadness for the issues of contempt in our lives we have no control over.  And it doesn’t take much to feel out of control.

When we admit our sadness, however, because we have realised the role anger is playing, the path to recovery opens up—despite the despair within our circumstance.

If we don’t feel hope emergent from a breakthrough of consciousness like this, perhaps it’s about seeing that we’re part way through hell and we simply need to keep going.  Irritability that is unacknowledged is a sign of confusion, and discovering we’re depressed is the clarity we need if we can accept we’re now on the right track.

~

Uncharacteristic irritability can be a sign of the sadness of depression.  Sometimes all we have left is anger; but upon realising our need for help, to admit that, opens a path to recovery.  If we are honest about anger, we may see the sadness beneath.  Such sadness is an invitation to be explored, to be validated, and to be wrestled with.  As soon as we do these things the door to hope swings ajar and then wide open.

NOTE: this article is updated from the article of the same name published on 18 February 2013, https://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/2013/02/when-anger-may-mean-depression.html

The purpose beyond grief, depression, anxiety, etc

Without bypassing any of the pain inherent in mental health concerns, there is a purpose beyond them, a purpose that can be seen even in the midst of them.  And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?  That there would be some purpose in the pain, or purpose that would come from the pain.

I would certainly entertain arguments to the contrary, given that seeing a purpose in our pain is a bridge too far for many people.  Part of my purpose here, therefore, is to sow forward some ideas for a purpose beyond grief, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trauma responses, etc.

First, it bears repeating that many mental health advocates have been spurred on to help others because of their own struggles, and because of the help they themselves received.

I know many of them personally, and I myself am one of them, and in just about every case mental health advocates were so gobsmacked by the sheer immensity and intensity of their mental health challenges that once they recovered, they devoted their lives to helping others.  They found their purpose beyond their mental health struggle, just as they came to understand how pervasive these struggles are.

What was unearthed in these times was both passion and compassion, which unearthed a great deal of capacity for empathy.  Their eyes were opened just as much as the eyes of their hearts were opened, and something that was designed to crush them, didn’t crush them, and it indeed unearthed a great deal of strength emergent out of weakness.

If you are battling right now, amid the whirlwind of calamity, unable to make head nor tail of your situation, take a short moment to imbibe a hope that you need right now.

If you’re in that place where you are betwixt and between and your heart has grown sick, please take heart in knowing that your faith hasn’t gone unacknowledged or unrecognised.

The broader purpose of having gone to hell and back is you are able to attest to the temerity of the journey and the authenticity ingrained in recovering from such a journey, perhaps morphing into a lifestyle of recovery.

You are a herald for the suffering possible in life.  In the opening of your eyes, you have been granted the blessing of spiritual sight, even though you may not see that as a blessing at all now.

Those who descend into a chasm of anxiety and distress from burnout are learning more about the limits on themselves, and this was a learning they were always bound to encounter.  It all makes so much sense from hindsight even if these are uncomfortable truths.

There is a purpose beyond the tests and trials and tumults of life when it’s these very things that are putting us in touch with the very resources we’ve always needed to develop or be aware of.  As a counsellor, I’m most consciously aware that it’s putting people in touch with their own resources which is my most important role, other than simply listening and empathising with people.

None of us gets better or grows much at all without being presented with challenges that overwhelm us.  We would all prefer to live a comfortable and easy existence, but that’s not life in this world—never was, never will be.

There are so many purposes beyond grief, depression, anxiety, etc, and there is no limit of them, given that we all experience life slightly differently.

If the challenges of life propel us to be curious to find solutions, then those challenges have done their job.  There is a purpose in overcoming.

If we look at Helen Keller’s take on “life being a daring adventure or nothing at all” then we can agree that mental health concerns are part and parcel of the adventure.

My hope is that this article has something in it that encourages or challenges you.

The encouragement of Jesus in a life of suffering

Having watched the premiere of The Chosen Season 3, the closing scene where Little James and Jesus interact about James’ desire to be healed of his physical impairment is powerful and touching.

It’s a massive encouragement to so many of us who do not have our prayers answered the way we’d like them to be.

When quizzed by Little James as to why he hasn’t already been healed, The Chosen’s Jesus (Jonathan Roumie) responds by saying, “because I trust you . . . So many people need healing in order to believe in me, or they need healing because their hearts are so sick . . .” implying that Little James already has a strong, trusting heart.  He continues to say that Little James’ faith is such that he will be an even more powerful witness to the masses in not being healed the way he would prefer.  Of course, James is a predecessor to the Apostle Paul, who describes this very situation in 2 Corinthians 12.

To recap a little on what Paul says, he contends with the Corinthians that he boasts only in Christ.  That, “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,” given that, like for Little James, he had pleaded with the Lord to take the “messenger of Satan” away from him, the “thorn in the flesh” that tormented him.  But he had heard clearly from the Lord, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Paul had learned to “delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties [for Christ’s sake].”

~

The most glorious thing about the Christian faith, apart from the grace of God that forgives our sin, is the upside-down reality of God’s strength in our weakness.  It truly is the answer to suffering and every other struggle we will ever have.

What this scene between Jesus and Little James shows us is sometimes we are a greater witness for the power and glory of God in not being healed, in not having our prayers answered, in not getting our way.  Because as we continue to look to the heavens, acknowledging God has all power, but that God has also chosen not to relieve us, our faith radiates as great.  AND we connect with the vast majority of humanity who are in the same boat.

Yes, we are a testament to all of those like us, and that’s the majority of the world!

We trample a faith that says you can “name it and claim it.”  The only thing in the Christian faith that can be “named and claimed” is the only thing of true importance, and that is salvation.

But in our weakness, in that place of humility we have been placed, our living and breathing and walking and talking is a testament to the glory of God.  We are ordinary souls.  God in the heavens is reaching down into the earth to speak to ordinary souls, not to extraordinary ones.  There is only ONE extraordinary one.  All the rest of us are equals.

When our weaknesses are on display, and people know who we stand for, and that is Christ, we give them permission to display their weaknesses too.  And what happens when we display our weaknesses with one another, not trying to pretend to be greater than we are?

We are an encouragement to each other, and we allow each other to be ourselves.

We can be home with one another whilst we are away from home on this earth.

The premium really is about safety and about identity.  Being able to be safe in our own skin, not to be judged nor condemned, but accepted, valued, recognised, and appreciated for who we are, without needing to be any different than we already are; that’s what we all need.

Little James in The Chosen is a more compelling witness than Simon is, even if Simon is more impressive to look at.  The Chosen’s Jesus says to Little James, “you are going to do more for me than most people ever dream . . .”

God uses the more ordinary people to do the more extraordinary things.

We need to embrace those things we do not like about our own lives and our own journey.

Accepting the things in life that we cannot change.

There are greater things to focus on, and when we get to that place of praise for what we have, for the gifts we’ve been given, for the blessings that have already been bestowed, then we will radiate a quality that will attract people to God’s name.

When we get to a place where God is all that matters, we find we have transcended even ourselves.