We learn a lot about people when we find ourselves in loss. Some of the people we hardly gave any time to become great support, yet there are those we felt we could rely on who go AWOL. It happens in every occasion of suffering.
Some show their character in what they do, others through what they say, and many show their character in what they fail to do and say. The rare one shows their character by way of sheer eternal presence—they listen, and they walk with us.
But this article is about a particular kind of person who shows us not only a dearth of empathy, they, by their deeds or lack thereof, laugh at us in our grief.
Think about it this way. Some people are so envious and jealous of us they pray that we’ll get out comeuppance—even though we’ve only ever tried to love them. It’s either at the forefront of their thoughts or they subconsciously wish us grief. And then when the bottom drops out of our world, they feel in their twisted way that their prayers have been answered. “That’ll teach them; God is on my side.”
There will be many who could read this and think, “Really, could anyone possibly be so callous?” Many of us not only know that it’s possible. We have experienced it. The narcissist is set for the win, and their idea of joy is anything that runs their way. Others don’t factor into their calculations. Everything exists for them. They’re incapable of feeling empathy.
And then there is the encounter of the person who has been crushed by loss. They lost their best friend, their life partner, their job of 20 years, their dream’s gone south. They are broken to the point of not being able to function.
They don’t need much even if they do appear needy. They want what they can’t put into words. And what they don’t want, and cannot stand, is cold-hearted silence. Yet, a narcissist will continue to find detestable things to do in private to exasperate the grieving person they’re in relationship with. They know all the best ways to hurt them.
And they laugh at the person in grief. Sure, it’s not a visible raucous laugh, but it is a sneer, a lack of regard for them when they actually have a role of care. The person who refuses to show the remotest care when someone is suffering is laughing inside themselves. This is the way grief feels when we’ve been betrayed by a person who has a role of care in our lives. Such a person is, in that moment, pure evil.
The Bible calls us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn,” so it holds then that this is love. This is empathy. Anything short of this is sin and it is evil, especially when someone is in a relationship with a person suffering grief.
One thing you can know, however, is this. A narcissist will never let anyone know other than you that they disdain you in your grief. They know that that is a socially unacceptable.
Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash
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