If so, you’ve been spiritually
abused. And it’s not your fault. No, not ever. You are not the one who sinned;
you have been sinned against. And I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
I’ve heard of dozens of anecdotal
accounts where people claim to have heard these things said to them. Some of
these people have shaken the dust of the church off their feet — in obedience
to their Lord (Matthew 10:14), but to the overall detriment of their faith
lives, because many do not darken the doors of church again.
They have been let down by the
so-called godly person who has fallen into a common error of religious
legalism.
Entire lives have been shaped by
cruel and wicked things said, particularly by those who have power. But these
things can be just as hurtful when said by lay people who think they’re
speaking for God.
Our friends and family members:
-
did not die
of cancer because we or they didn’t pray enough;
-
did not
fail to overcome their addiction because we failed them or didn’t do enough;
-
did not
suffer disability because God was punishing us or them somehow;
-
did not or
do not self-harm or suicide because we didn’t love them enough;
-
are not of
a ‘non-standard’ sexual orientation because of something we or they did or
didn’t do;
-
the list
goes on.
Our friends and family members experienced
these things because life is indiscriminate. It’s often the case that those who
have experienced these kinds of things are the ones who truly know how
indiscriminate life is.
We did not suffer misfortune
because we:
-
didn’t pray
enough or the right way;
-
didn’t read
the Bible enough or the right way (or the right Bible).
We suffered misfortune because life
often works out that way. We did not suffer disease, a disorder, or a syndrome
because of something we did or did not do.
People who spout these kinds of
things are not only abusing people spiritually, they also demonstrate they’re
least qualified to counsel people in the very areas people are most vulnerable.
Spiritual abuse is such a crime
against God that Jesus warned his disciples about what would happen: “If anyone causes one of these
little ones — those who believe in me — to stumble, it would be better for them
to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the
depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6) “Little ones” refers to vulnerable ones — anyone in the
category of the ‘least of these’, which is potentially any of us when we find
ourselves disadvantaged in any sort of way. “Those who believe in me” are those
who trust their vulnerability to goodness, only to very often find what they
thought was good is abusive. In other words, if Jesus puts us in a position to care
as he would care, we spurn that
honour when we abuse people.
See how Jesus turns it all back
around on the person who would spiritually abuse us? He uses a very powerful
negative metaphor — “… it would be better for them to have a large millstone
hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” — to motivate us to not abuse.
There is more faith in letting
mysteries alone, and simply agreeing we can never tie certain effects to certain
causes — none of us is God!
And be careful of those who might
subtly suggest that it’s your fault. Some things we do cause, but the sins
involved here are readily and easily apparent. Intangible linkages are never
helpful, especially because they’re laden with conjecture.
Of all the crimes against God,
surely one of the worst is that of spiritual abuse that plays God and sends
those of God away from God.
Spiritual abuse is a deception
first done in the abuser before it is cast upon the victim who is, at worst,
deceived, facing self-condemnation; and at most resilient, belligerent, facing
a charge of sin for having retaliated having been sinned against. See how abuse
sets the victim (or the survivor of the abuse) up to be wrong whichever way
they go?
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