Enduring the grief of despair’s dark night of the soul

There are times in life where we’re stuck in a Psalm 88 season where there is no light.  There has to be a place in God’s word that reflects a place of pure darkness, for there are times in life when life’s like that.

If that sounds unreal, hold out consideration that this is reality for many people.

Many people in the faith cannot contemplate such a hellish place where there’s no sign of light.  That’s why it’s good for those who bear witness to utter despair that there is a psalm like Psalm 88.

The truth is there are so many in the faith who disparage another’s experience of the dark night of the soul because it speaks so chillingly to the reality that it’s possible.  When someone is blacklisted spiritually, as if they “don’t have enough faith” to experience God’s light, it’s a blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.

It’s a manipulation of God for humanity’s purposes, and God doesn’t work that way.

It’s never God’s will that a person in a Psalm 88 season would not be supported.

It’s never God’s will that a person enduring a dark night of the soul would be abandoned.

The despair that a person experiences even as they practice their faith in the darkest night is real.  Indeed, that’s the quintessence of faith; that a person has a plethora of reasons to give up on God, yet wisely by faith they cling to the only hope of light they know.  Such is the assurance of a faith that will not eventually be crushed.

The one experiencing the grief of despair’s dark night of the soul has an inspiring faith.

This is the one who should not be vanquished and banished for their apparent grief, but all the more should be lauded for the fact that their perseverance speaks potently of God’s venerable power.

It doesn’t look like the one who is struggling under the weight of loss has much faith.  But how else is faith to be deepened than it is pushed to and past the brink.  Experiences that break us are part of how faith is meant to work.  But we must not call to eventualities before they exist.

Instead, we’re to allow the dark night of the soul to persist without judging it or anyone else.  Of course, this doesn’t mean we won’t do all in our power to change the equation—for faith calls us to the light that will ultimately make the darkness mute.

Instead of changing the reality in our minds by denying its pain, we’re called to endure the pain as it draws us into parallel with the sufferings of Jesus—whom is very well acquainted with a Psalm 88 season.  In fact, Jesus is with the person in their darkness even if they can’t feel him.

It’s important that we don’t over-spiritualise the concept of despair by engaging in a spiritual bypassing that makes all of life only benevolent.  All of life is NOT benevolent.  “In this world you will have trouble,” said Jesus.

We must understand that there are times in life where there is no light, and it’s in those times that we show the most faith by enduring, “Walking by faith, not by sight.”

It’s abuse to tell someone that their experience of the dark night of the soul is their fault.

On the contrary, the one experiencing the dark night of the soul has a more profound faith in the making, and that ought to be revered.

Reflecting over a difficult year & a most uncertain year ahead

Many people’s approach to the emerging new year in 2021 was sheer optimism, as if suddenly a New Year would herald a starkly new reality amongst the backdrop of that ‘unprecedented’ year 2020.  Many memes focused on this very idea.

What a surprise a lot of people would have had as 2021 dawned and there was no hope of life-back-to-normal in sight.  The health impacts of the pandemic only deepened in 2021, and as country after country endured third, fourth and fifth waves, the economic and social pressures intensified.  In fact, as countries prioritised economy over health, they suffered the consequences as the virus spread under Delta.

As a Western Australian, one of only three million people in a State of Australia that has keep Covid out, 2022 rings big alarm bells, as the State is to be ‘reopened’ in February.  Cases are skyrocketing around the country in every other State.  It may only be Omicron, but I don’t think people understand the future impacts.  Worldwide, we’ve been notoriously late on the scene every time.

So how do we plan for a year that promises to be very uncertain indeed?

Well, we need to hold out hope that during 2022 we will turn some sort of corner.

Keeping safe from Covid or recovering well and boosting our immunity must be big on the agenda.

We need to continue to help keep our immunocompromised family and friends safe—being immunised is the best hope we all have.

We need to set our houses in order, and there’s no better time than now to become disciplined in doing what we can while we can.  So many people have used Covid to lose weight and get fitter, not to mention get their lives more balanced.

Lockdowns have had their massive negative impacts, and perhaps we can predict that there might be fewer of those, but there’s no certainty in that.  At least now we have something to plan for—we know what to expect, and how to make the most of such times.  We need to hope that it won’t get much worse.

With travel being severely limited we’ve come to be very grateful for the travel practices we used to engage in.  Indeed, we’re not taking as much for granted these days.  This is a good thing.  We’ve been deepened in our losses of freedom, but this has also cost so many of us in terms of mental health.  Yet another sad reality is we seem more divided than ever as a society, locally and globally.

Then our gaze is stretched to ‘essential workers’ who will be never more exhausted than now, and we have to wonder how society sustains those who will be burning out or have already.

Covid is not much of an advertisement for attracting doctors, nurses, epidemiologists, etc, but it may also have the opposite effect for those who are young who have been inspired to take up the cudgel of service, and certainly those who have witnessed travesties and want to set those right.

2022 holds a lot of uncertainty about it, especially for those where geopolitical tensions exist, and there are so many of those.  But that said, we’re almost used to the chaotic by now.  Surely we’ve all become more used to being pushed around by life that 2022 holds few real concerns.  2020 and 2021 have been useful training for those who are looking forward.

It’s good to make plans, and I’m not talking New Years’ resolutions.  Some will be starting studies, and some will be completing them.  There are financial hopes that many bear, and certainly there are plans to connect with those we haven’t been able to see.  New careers will take form for many.  But equally for many, loss will bite, and we need to hold out a little space for those in empathy.

There is so much change and perhaps with it, a lot of opportunity.  To be honest, if only we can be open to seeing the opportunities, they’ll come.

Whatever 2022 holds, the past two years have been the ideal preparation for whatever might come.  Hopefully 2020 and 2021 have made us kinder in preparation.

These words have been life for me since 2004

God has been teaching me all kinds of lessons this year.  Probably the most salient and important lesson is that God is moving in my life most especially when I don’t or can’t see it.  

Especially in the backdrop of significant societal uncertainties, at such a pandemic time as this, anxiety needs to be thwarted.

If you learn anything from reading this, hold yourself open to this possibility in your own life.

Let me commence with a story.

It was August 31, 2004.  I sat upon a spiritual and a situational precipice.  My recovery was just short of 12-months in the making, and I’d been embraced by the leadership in the church—drawn into leadership to be around wise people who could guide me, especially in those tenuous moments, and there are plenty of those in recovery.

These moments where anxiety, doubting, spiritual attack become big in one’s story.

One of the golden threads through this article is the importance of communities of grace in not only our recovery but also in our routine going out and coming home.

The fact is, we’ll get it wrong, and rather than be judged by our families and communities, we all need grace, and just as much, we all need to extend grace.

We all need to experience being forgiven, and just as much we all need to experience what God does within us when we extend that forgiveness.

Back to the story:

I was having one of those deep moments of torment, of doubt, of self-sabotage.  As I approached the precipice, I reached out via ‘a letter’ that I sent to a mentor—Rod, a deacon/elder at the church who was deeply involved in my journey.  I couldn’t sleep, so I recall going into work, writing the letter, and emailing it from there.  The letter involved some risks, in the things I was stating, my desires and intentions.  The correspondence was loaded.

Having sent the letter off, I was still in a battle with myself, partly at peace for having communicated what I felt I needed to say, but also partly anxious for how it would be received.

At this point, reflect.  Think about a time when you’ve sent something that was loaded.  Perhaps it tested the relationship.  Maybe it came to define the relationship.

It was 24-hours later that I received a response to my letter via email.  Not only was the reply from Rod full of grace, but it was also full of prophetic wisdom.  Not only had Rod been wise enough to choose to encourage me rather than chastise me—which would have revealed fear from him to control me—he also used the opportunity to call my vision beyond the present.  It actually proved pivotal in my being called a month later by God to become a pastor.

But it was during a follow-up phone call that Rod said such important words that have stuck with me ever since.  When I told him I was fearful of backsliding, he immediately came back with, 

“There’s no way that you, having seen what you’ve seen, and having experienced what you’ve experienced, would go back to the old way of life, so don’t worry about that.”

In other words, “You will not turn back.”

It was important to hear, because it was true.

It was exactly what I needed to hear.  It’s also been something I’ve needed to remind myself of from time to time when I’ve lost my connection with God, poignantly under spiritual attack.

There are so many times in 2021 when I’ve drawn on this truth, especially when I’ve been pressed into a fresh season of conquest and challenge.  Through providence of God’s grace, the reminder of God’s mercy, I was enabled to overcome a certain hardness of heart, but due another set of challenging circumstances, I found my heart growing dark and discouraged.

The majority of 2021, and certainly the second half, has been punctuated by frustration and exhaustion.  In this season, there’s almost been a weekly cycle of being under the blowtorch of spiritual warfare.

At times of deep spiritual attack, what’s needed most of all are reminders of hope, and particularly for Christians, that God is still moving.  During this pressing time, there have been more reminders than usual that God is moving:

§     regular messages from a fellow pastor friend, poignantly on days when I needed them most

§     more than one situation where people I didn’t really know came and told me, “God wanted me to say to you, ‘He’s still moving and working... don’t lose hope’”

§     times when I’ve had regular visions of what would happen, yet only saw the fullness of the vision consciously at a time when God wanted to show me, i.e., when I needed to see it completely

§     special ministry opportunities (funerals, counselling, speaking, etc) have come up

§     one of the key challenges has been indecision (one of the two AA “pests,” the other is hurry), and so many times God has broken through to clear and clarify the way

§     being able to see that despite the regular weekly spiritual attack from exhaustion, the following day would inevitably bring recovery—genuine resurrection experiences

§     Most poignantly, it’s been the communities of grace that have ‘held and contained’ me very much this year—to succeed, everyone needs such grace, which is like a safety net

What I’ve learned that I also want to show you is, when you most think you’re about to give up because you’re assailed by the enemy, you will not turn back.  You won’t.  You know what you need to do.  You know that God is your hope, and so no matter what, you cling to that hope.

When God seems least to be moving, paradoxically God’s moving more than you think.  Our role is to wait well, to be patient with ourselves, our circumstances, and others, resolving to be gentle with ourselves and others.

Rising out of the depths, eventually, is the overcoming life!

Joy’s possibilities in the belly of grief

Seems a lambasting thought
that joy might be possible
deep in the belly of grief.
Think of it as access
to the otherwise inaccessible Spirit
when we most need relief.

There seems little to celebrate about grief, that lamentable position of situation or circumstance that lingers and tarries, always far longer into our exhaustion than it relents.

But it’s not until we’ve been there—cast against the rocks in the howling squall of loss; tossed violently by that horrendous milieu of life and kept there—that we recognise that at the end of us is the beginning of God.  We might otherwise fail to find our salvation.

Yet it never quite feels right to say it just like that, does it?

Be that as it may, we have the opportunity to juxtapose that change and indeed growth occurs serenely against the flow of our individual control, whereby our preference for and bias toward comfort so often works against the schema of God to take us into the divine.

Oh, how we hate and thereby avoid pain.  And yet out of being pushed and stretched and cajoled by loss, we gain access to the divinity ever beyond the horizon of our characteristic ease.

When suddenly we find ourselves backwashed into a place we can no longer deny or avoid, where we’re so weak we find nothing within us can resist the current underneath the groundswell of life’s rushing torrent, there’s one moment, perhaps, where joy becomes us, despite the horror of suffering that brought it to us.

It’s a moment that the light breaks through—and it only needs to be a moment.

One moment is all the testimony the light needs.  Once that light bores through, it leaves itself, embellished, a record on the memory, huh!  Such embellishment is of course welcome, for it is the very light of hope, an anchor with which to cling to in our distress.

Jesus’ Spirit overcoming, 
not succumbing.

As disciples, we do have trouble in this world, yet, as John 16:33 states and the preceding seventeen verses contend, there is an abounding joy to be had for the hope set before each one of us—due even one encounter with the living Christ, not despite the pain of grief but because of it, founded within it.

We only need to have been there once, and the memory of such an event is a light that can’t be darkened.  Once for all time is the victory of Christ at Calvary, and once for all time is the victory we experience in encountering the living Christ, and it’s faith that compels us to relive such a glorious thought.

Joy is not only possible in grief, 
it is found there in its purest form.

Hope for the Anguished, the Aggrieved, and the Aggressed

When you’ve suffered in life, and you don’t know what response will work, because every response so far has seen you strike out, there is still one response to try: a decidedly spiritual response.

At this point, try to unknow what you know, try to ignore everything that comes up as a reaction, and try to be open to that which seems foreign.  But do all this without trying.

These ideas only make sense in the spiritual realm.

Stay with me because what I’m suggesting works, and it’s possibly the only thing you can do to make sense of where you’re at.  We only reject this because we’re so inculcated in the world’s way of dealing with pain.

But the world’s way doesn’t work; it only increases the pain.

When you’re living a life where hope faded long ago, or perhaps the impossibility of your situation is only just now dawning on you, it makes sense to reach out and try something different.

You know how it is.  You’ve tried a particular formula for responding to certain situations.  The formula has always seemed right and just.  But years down the track you’re sensing it hasn’t taken you far—not as far as you’d have hoped.  Perhaps you realise it’s taken you nowhere.

Welcome to the place you’ve been drawn to by your experiences.  Here it is.

Every hurt you’re carrying, every grief, every heartache and broken dream, and especially everything that seems more unfair than it ever should have been—you know, those losses that cannot ever be recovered—are the KEY to this method.  That’s right.

This is where God comes in.
Some of you may think, “Well, you’re losing me.”
Just wait a second.

God’s not allowing suffering for any other reason than this:

Every flickering, prevailing trigger,
every unmistakable regret,
every painful moment you bear,
every horrendous reminder you cannot deny,
every nudge of enduring dread,
every reality that is too hard to stomach,
every single one no matter how insignificant,
especially in every impossible situation,
... is a debt we don’t owe,
and we transfer it to God.

Pain is a debt we don’t owe, because whether we caused our own pain or not, we, in and of ourselves, are totally ill-equipped to deal with it in the world’s way.  There’s only one method that works.  God knows how frail we are, and what trauma does to us.

Pain and trauma herald the need of God.  Nothing else works.

This is to go beyond the pains of past and choose for intangible blessings—they never fail and they’re always there.  Something the world cannot give, but that which only God can.

Suffering is the invitation into the only thing that will make sense of it—the spiritual.

Suffering is something the world and tangible and material things cannot touch.

Suffering is a doorway, and if only we’ll take the ridiculous risk of walking through it, we’ll find there’s another way to a far deeper life that is ordinarily totally hidden from us.

But in the spiritual, suffering finds its way to peace, and such a thing cannot be conquered.

This is not quackery, or a lie, or anything else that it’s not.  This is the most resonating truth of all.

You may still think this is madness.  Simply give up everything you can’t keep and embrace everything you cannot lose.  Then you see with the eyes of your heart what you can never unsee.

This truth will hold you in correct stead all your life long, so long as you don’t pick up and grasp and hanker over the world, the tangible, the material things—things we covet.

By faith, there’s nothing that can be taken from any of us that, in God, won’t be given back.  In transferring every debt life owes us to God—and God knows every single one of them—God saves them up for us and enlarges our eternal account accordingly.  Again, by faith.

How can we know this?

Think about these things that are by faith self-evident truths:

Life is real, and life is hard,
God is good, and God is a guard,
Pain is certain, and pain is torrid,
The way is spiritual when life is horrid.

I can do nothing about those who won’t hear this message spoken through the truth of reality throughout eternity.

Peace is possible in pain as we release our losses to God by a trust that every grief will be redeemed.  Because they are.

Even intimate relationships need peacemaking

So very many relationships don’t last the distance.  The all-too-common saddest situation is in the dividing.  Many of these broken relationships feature people broken by the conflict that shatters that once strong bond.

But it could be a lot different, if only one, to begin with, sees the value in peacemaking.  But the other must reciprocate for it to work.  Relationships work through reciprocation.

Peacemaking is the commitment and capacity 
to make peace in the presence of conflict.

~

Conflict is inevitable,
especially in intimate relationships.

Only by peacemaking is there hope to negotiate conflict directly.  And there’s only one way it works; through doing the inner work of honest reflection about our own contributions to conflict.

Where two people do this in any kind of close relationship, hey presto, there’s union of mind and heart!

CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AND AGGRESSION

Most people avoid conflict like the plague, so they go to many lengths to fawn in the face of difficulty.  Indeed, many fraught relationships are started just this way.  One or both cannot bring their partner or friend to loving short account.  On the other side of a knife’s edge is the other kind of response, where a partner or a friend aggresses, creating the initial cause of the conflict.  Usually, the other either meets the initial aggression with aggression or avoidance.  Rarely is it that the partner or friend can be a peacemaker by neither aggressing nor avoiding but by addressing.

To the original point, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.  This doesn’t mean half of first marriages, because there are second and third marriages that end in divorce, and sadly more often.  But even within a long, enduring marriage there can still be much discontentment for the dysfunctional way conflict is handled.

NOT JUST MARRIAGES...

But it’s not just marriages that are ripped apart by controversy with disputes making their way into the public square.  Think of business partnerships that end belly up, best-of-friendships that sour, and work colleague relationships that slowly (or not-so-slowly) become toxic.  The closest of relationships bear the clearest risk that a contentious issue might come between them and separate them violently.  I’ve seen it so many times and, possibly like you, experienced it personally.

Conflict is handled by habit typically.  There’s a dynamic that is set up early in our relationships with others.  Those dynamics are tough to shift, because what’s first required is conscious awareness, then the courage to act to set new habits which are difficult to forge.

When you commence a relationship with someone winsome and charismatic, the last thing you expect when the shine wears off is a tyrant.  See how the most promising beginnings can herald red flags?

There is always a romance phase in every relationship, not just in coupled relationships.

DON’T OVERLOOK RED FLAGS – GENTLY CONFRONT THEM

In the romance phase, we typically overlook those things that will cause us concern and consternation when the relationships drops out of the clouds and lands with a thud on the ground.  Many times, the overlooking is hardly seeing it, or seeing issues and viewing them through rose-coloured glasses.

The commitment and capacity to make peace in conflict means red flags aren’t overlooked, but they are seen and gently confronted.  How else are we to know the other person’s responses before we’ve committed to the deepening of relationship?

Many of the most intimate relationships will only prosper if there’s the ability to talk truthfully about conflict.  This is the only way enduring relationships will not only survive but thrive.

The gem of strength in weakness through honest authenticity

The gem of strength in weakness through honest authenticity

“Like alchemy, when an element combines with another, otherwise corrosive material to form a benign compound, so the very things that make us unapproachable (like rage or addiction) when combined with authenticity, actually makes us more approachable.”
—Peter Randell

Let’s unpick the wise truth set out above.  For those valiant enough to try it, especially those who are leaders, there’s a secret for growth unearthed in the absolutely paradoxical step of sharing our weakness, our guilt, our shame.

Honestly nothing comes close to authenticity for affording strength in bearing weakness.

Think of the sheer strength it takes to confess one’s temptations, fear, sadness, rage, etc.  One before another, as that which is corrosive to you when you keep it in, like poison, when it’s shared in trustworthy spaces, it gives life to the sharer and to the receiver alike.

Indeed, the receiver observes with their own heart, ears and eyes, that which could have eaten them away from inside, but now because of the other person’s authenticity, INVITES them to share also, and freedom is but a few moments away.

There’s no fear for judgement in sharing openly when another person’s gone first in declaring their struggle.

There’s no corrosive value left in a poison of a hidden struggle when it’s neutralised by the agent of truth.

There’s no power then for the accuser to have his way.  Weakness avowed takes strength and the good Lord honours that courage every time!

This brings life to the idea of “when I am weak, then I am strong.”  Do you know who uttered those incredibly bizarre words?  Yes, the apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12:10.

Here’s where it matters.  When we’re weakest, we’re isolated, and from isolation the mind gets to work, and a sinkhole we begin to sink into.  But as soon as we sense the readiness to connect with another human being, that one also ripe for connection, together with a sprinkle of honest authenticity, that is sharing what is deeply true yet also shaming, life flows in like a river of peace.

What is true in the world of chemistry is also true psychologically through this sociological phenomenon:

Strong acids and alkalis, those chemicals that range to the extremes on both sides of a pH scale, are neutralised discretely by just the right select chemical to produce a harmless compound.

Think of indigestion and antacids.  Relief and comfort come from the sweet authenticity of the truth that’s required.  From the rising pain of the gut up to the trachea comes relief when that acid is neutralised.

Authenticity is the neutralising agent for all manner of maladies.

That’s the power of authenticity.  When you carry truth into your safe conversations, dialogue where truth is welcome, that truth empowers both of you.

One morsel of truth is enough to taste and see, 
freedom’s there in abundance, it’s there for you and me.

7 Foundational Strategies for Holistic Mental Health Resilience

Before I even get started, I want to say that suffering poor mental health is no shame nor slight on the afflicted.  Indeed, it takes enormous strength to bear such a fierce battle, especially over the longer haul.

Anyone who’s suffered poor mental health (and I definitely have) has the ideal motivation to build upon their mental health resilience.

I’d define mental health resilience as the ability to ride the highs and lows of life in a way that prepares and plans proactively for good mental health as much as possible.

This article is not a definitive guide to mental health resilience, but it’s perhaps one place where a general synopsis starts.  These factors, sleep, exercise, diet, relationships, grief, insight, and faith are a good overall structure that you might find helpful.

I believe these seven factors are the most foundational keys in attaining and maintaining mental health resilience:

1.     Good Sleep

The broader corpus of health and medical science will say nothing is more foundational typically than good, sound sleep patterns.  And our own experiences attest to the value of good sleep.  Ideally adults have 7-8 hours sleep per night, which equals five portions of 90-minutes, cycles of gradually descending depth of sleep.  It’s important that full nights’ sleep are attained consistently, one night after another as a pattern as much as possible, because anytime we’re in ‘sleep debt’ it can take a long while before we don’t feel tired anymore.

Of course, poor mental health is a vicious cycle.  The presence of anxiety or depression usually comes with it disordered sleep/sleep disorders.  I know many people who struggle very significantly with their sleep, and for these my advice would be to learn how to nap and make use of opportunities to nap on a daily basis whenever you feel tired.

Here’s something I wrote years ago on Napping Benefits and Suggestions.  And if insomnia’s your problem, here’s something I wrote through personal experience in developing the technique of relaxing myself to sleep: Beating Insomnia – Getting to Sleep Using Your Mind.

2.    Good Exercise

For so many people, I know this is a truism—good exercise routines alone provide great mental health resilience value.  Exercise is not only enjoyable, releasing endorphins, but it leaves us with a sense of achievement, and the health benefits are vast.  It’s often done with others, too, so it helps us remain connected relationally and emotionally.  It’s never too late to start.  I’ve been a serious exercise devotee all my life, and I know the times I begin to run rough—after I slipped out of the habit of exercise or post-injury.  Vigorous exercise daily or every second day for at least 30 minutes gives best value for mental health resilience.

3.    Good Diet

For Westerners, for those in ‘blessed’ societies, much of the time, we’re cursed by the abundance of food, and particularly when we have issues with self-control, the first thing we lose control of is our diet.  Indeed, we might also give up every other ‘vice’, but we still need to eat, so diet can feel like the last frontier of health.

There is much internal serenity we gain from having a diet rich in fruit and vegetables, less carbohydrates, and pure proteins.  There’s also the issue of portion control, and the practice of eating more calories earlier in the day than later in the day.

It’s a fact that one of the leading causes of good physical health as we age is effective diet, and yet there are many direct and indirect links between physical health and psychological health.

4.    Good Relationships

Phew.  You’ve probably reached this point and thought, “All the above is hard enough, and now you’re telling me I’ve got to do something about this-or-that impossible relationship!”

The truth of it is we can only do what we can do—take responsibility for what is ours to own.  But peace in our relationships carries our mental health resilience to another level, simply because there’s an absence of stress because we’re resolved about how we’ll manage conflict with the persons concerned.

This is where peacemaking in relationships comes in.  Here is a A Flying 7-Minute Guide to Biblical Peacemaking.  The main principle of peacemaking is each person taking seriously their obligation to be accountable for their own contributions to conflict.  It does NOT mean being held accountable for other people’s contributions to conflict.

Wisdom instructs us to avoid divisive individuals, and though we can’t always avoid these people in our families and workplaces, wisdom again helps us avoid pouring gasoline on the flames of conflict.

Who is a divisive individual?  I define them as people who would rather point the finger at others and avoid being accountable for their behaviour than be honestly introspective and own and account for their contributions.

5.    Good Grief

This strategy for mental health resilience is about handling grief.  It’s that capacity to process loss, to face pain, to not ignore it or deny it, to not resent it, but to sit with it, because it can’t crush us.

Grief never feels good, but when you think about it, loss is everywhere, it comes into every person’s life, and therefore it’s unavoidable.

Can grief be good?  I think that when we hold enough space in our philosophy for life that grief might actually be good, we begin to take life’s invitation to plunge deeper into the meaning of life seriously.

I can tell you from personal experience that grief was actually the making of me when I was plunged full force into loss in 2003.  Same for 2014 and 2016.  Indeed, I really think that when grief is good, it keeps us connected to the deeper facets of life, and we can bear a great deal of vulnerability which makes us very much more empathetic.

6.    Good Insight

This is the ability to see the truth, especially our own truth as far as our impact on others is concerned.  Good insight is a blessing to good relationships.  It helps us see the truth others can see and it helps us live a bold life unafraid of the threats and able to embrace opportunities.

Fundamentally put, insight is what separates the mentally healthy of us from the version of us that cannot see all the goodness and blessedness of life.  If we struggle with cynicism, we may struggle with insight, but it’s just the same for people who struggle with idealism.

7.    Good Faith

There are all sorts of faith constructs in life.  The Christian context is one that I would call a good-faith construct in that it delivers to the believer faith in the grace and forgiveness of God, of hope beyond all despair, and of the command to love—an all-conquering love of God that overwhelms our sensitivities for fear, indifference, and hatred.

Good faith helps us in our mental health resilience because it’s bigger than the realities of life that threaten to consume us.  Look at the News, current affairs, social media, and we quickly be drawn into some negative emotional response (depression, rage, disgust, fear).

Simply put, good faith holds us in hope when all we can see is cause for despair.  The truth of it is we need faith in this life to ward against the inevitable stresses all of us face.

~

The fact is, you the reader may not resonate with all of this, but there might be something in this for you.  That’s my hope.  God bless.