This is a follow-up to the article I wrote on how emotional abuse is the elephant in so many rooms — homes, workplaces, churches, etc. In that article, I not only explained a little of what emotional abuse is, but I tried to highlight how prevalent and pervasive it is. Spiritual abuse is just as prevalent and just as pervasive.
Spiritual abuse is violence against the spirit — an attack on the wholeness of our being.
We know that explicit abuses — physical and sexual abuse — capture the lion’s share of limited societal attention. If there is only an ambivalent (though growing) public psyche for abuse, that interest will be pointed toward the more overt cases of violence. But underpinning every one of these more overt cases of violence is a cacophony of covert abuses — among them, the range of psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial and social abuse and neglect.
The more subtle abuses are also perpetrated in homes and workplaces and churches all over the world every single day — homes and workplaces and churches where outwardly at least the abuser is often seen as an upstanding and even a charismatic person of much beauty and grace.
Spiritual abuse involves patterns of behaviour that include:
c ridiculing another person about what they believe and where they draw their sense of identity from
c presenting spiritual information as one being the fount of all knowledge
c judging someone as being not good enough before God, or beyond the reach of God
c speech or actions that indicate, “God is on my side... I have a special portion of God’s favour... I am the anointed” — especially where this is used to oppress others (as it so often is)
c manipulating narratives to suit a purpose and using the Bible as defender, especially when not allowing others that same entitlement
c holding to tight interpretations of scripture, and especially to a few key passages and verses, and especially again if scripture is weaponised to harm (which is a red flag!)
c questioning someone’s memory, thinking, worth, ability etc, when challenged — diminishing the person, especially in conflict. (This is a subtle upping of the ante; narcissists hate being challenged.)
c using language, gestures and actions that condemn a person’s being — that home in on their being rather than respectfully challenge what they think or may have done
c scapegoating a person, especially if the person sincerely wishes to reconcile/resolve matters between persons
c restricting a person from engaging in spiritual practices
c exercising control over the being of a person
c making people feel guilty and keeping them there (which is also a form of emotional abuse)
c inflicting shame, especially through the misuse of spiritual power held
c using an obvious spiritual power differential to minimise another
c spiritualising common, ordinary, everyday conflicts and views
c projecting the demeanour of being superior
Truly, the list goes on. These are commonplace as experiences with certain people in many of our lives.
Spiritual abuse has no place anywhere, particularly in Christian institutions.
Like emotional abuse, spiritual abuse corrodes our being.
It is done intentionally to undermine our identity, and our true self is diminished. It is particularly the church’s role to bolster the concept that at the level or our identity we’re all precious. Anyone, and especially any leader, who sets out to target our confidence, to reduce us to fear, is abusing the opportunity they have to love as all have the opportunity of doing.
Spiritual abuse is so often done silently, which serves to redouble the effect. Our identity is challenged at source where we have no recourse to confront practices done in the dark. Almost never do protagonists of spiritual abuse change, because there is an inbuilt sense of right to exert power and control.
Spiritual abuse can cause us to question everything we believe about ourselves, our creation, the Creator, everything, even how we feel in being betrayed. Such abuse takes us away from thoughts of our preciousness before God, and may even cause us to believe we could never be accepted by God.
What can we do?
Challenging those who have a grip over our spirituality is rarely advised. They feel superior to you so a fair hearing is unlikely to transpire.
Spiritual institutions that are controlling are cults. The best advice is to pray about getting support to leave. Never just ‘up and leave’ i.e. without thought and prayer. Life is likely to get harder when you leave. You will need support, and don’t underestimate how much support you’ll need or how much you’ll need it.
Those who spiritually abuse people want their victims silenced by their power, to conform to their truth, to obey their will, which they present as God’s will.
Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash
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