“Be they well-intentioned leaders or dictators
driven by sinister motives, their dark side, like oil in a body of water, will
always find its way to the surface and create a mess if it is not acknowledged
and redeemed.”
— Gary McIntosh & Sam Rima
EVERYBODY
in a spiritual fellowship deserves to be fed and watered by the Word of God
through capable and trustworthy leaders.
Such leaders are, first and foremost, emotionally intelligent;
self-aware and able to self-manage, as to become socially aware and able to
manage socially. And the great paradox
is, emotional intelligence comes out of a wrestle with one’s dark side. Every good leader will become adept at this
wrestle, even if at least initially they choose to deny they would have
character flaws. The best leaders know
how inherently flawed they really are.
1. Compulsion in the Leader
This
leader is driven beyond the agency of a reasonable self-control. Such a leader is difficult to please as
they’re an order Nazi. They have
standards that even they can’t keep to, and they’re often as disappointed with
themselves (if only they were more self-aware) as they are with other people. Compulsive leaders are often onerously
judgmental and legalistic.
If
you see yourself as having a problem with compulsion, it’s best you nurture
your self-awareness so that you can learn to relax a little. Perfection is the enemy of the good.
2. Narcissism in the Leader
Deep
insecurities drive a passion for attention that appears as supreme
confidence. Narcissists have no capacity
for empathy, they exploit others for their own gain, and they have a perception
of their worthiness — they feel entitled.
If
you see yourself as being better than others, watch out! Truth is, anyone attracted to spiritual
leadership will have some form of narcissism to deal with. Self-awareness is key.
3. Paranoia in the Leader
Fear
drives the paranoid leader into making mistakes as a self-fulfilling
prophecy. Pathetically jealous of others
who do well, and constantly worried what others are saying about them, paranoia
in the leader paralyses them.
Like
with compulsive leaders, paranoid leaders have the propensity of control;
actually all of these five leader types do.
Once we’re free of paranoia, having called it for what it is, we’re freer
to do God’s bidding with a clearer conscience.
4. Co-dependency in the Leader
More
so as a throwback to growing up in dysfunctional relationships in the home,
co-dependency is the state of living with someone who is compulsively
dependent; for example, addictions.
Unless
they’re self-aware, co-dependant leaders reinforce a sick system, and they
often don’t feel they have much influence.
5. Passive-Aggressiveness in the Leader
Pessimistic
in outlook, this person is going to be hard to get along with. They can be known for being resistant to
change, and they tend to be on the look-out for people who they see as a threat.
Understanding
that resistance is a totally reasonable sign for wanting to be mutually
respected, when that resistance tips into an area where the
passive-agressiveness is poignant, we see an inappropriate role for it. Passive-aggressive is unbecoming for a
Christian leader.
***
The uppermost
character competency in a spiritual leader is their nurtured self-awareness,
and no growth in humility can occur without it.
Without
self-awareness spiritual leaders will inevitably fail, and they’ll take a lot
of innocent people down with them.
Good spiritual leaders
are non-compulsive, meek and humble, measured and secure, interdependent, and
direct communicators.
© 2016 Steve Wickham.
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